The Secret to a Better Life

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There was a time when I wanted to study the brain when I grew up. I had heard that we only use a small part of our brain and I thought it would be amazing to be able to figure out what we could do if we just unlocked those other dusty sections.  

Turns out it wasn’t true. According to MIT, we actually do use 100% of our brain, which is good news because I would’ve had to take tons more math classes to become a scientist and that just wasn’t for me.

But while we may use 100% of our brain, we don’t always use it in the way we could.

A sentence from my Simple Abundance book: “The greatest secret to living a happy and fulfilled life is the realization that everything is created in our minds before it manifests itself in the outer world.”

I’ve often heard that our subconscious mind doesn't know the difference between what’s real and what’s imagined. That’s why you can imagine yourself hitting the golf ball straight down the fairway and your brain thinks you’ve actually done it. You can essentially “practice” a sport just by thinking about it, and it’s been proven that doing that is just as powerful as the real thing.

I recently found an article on Medium titled “Everything is Created Twice: First in The Mind Then in The Reality.” The author suggests that we look around and realize that everything in the room you’re in was once first imagined in someone’s mind - the tv, the phone, the couch, the bookcase, etc.

They give the example that if you wake up in the morning thinking it’s going to be a terrible day, you will definitely have some awful experiences that will support that thought. But, if you wake up in the morning thinking you can’t wait to see all the good things that are going to happen, you’ll end up with several great experiences that prove you were right.

“You created your reality based on how you perceived things, and that all started in your mind.”

Change is good

The crazy thing about this is that by focusing on the positive, your brain literally begins to change. You create new neural pathways so that you are more positive in the future, thus bringing you more positive experiences.

Here’s a personal example. I used to think that the idea of writing and publishing a book was crazy. It could never happen. But I started imagining what that looked like in smaller chunks (a great idea with any big project).

I could see the beginning of the story and I wrote it down. From there, I took the three main characters (because three is always a magic number in literature) and thought about what their life was like and how their stories were all interconnected. I wrote that down. After realizing I had enough ideas for an entire book, I started making sure I was writing and exploring those ideas every day.  

Now I’ve begun to think about what the book launch party is going to be like. You’re all invited, by the way.

If you’re not happy with the way your life is going, all you have to do is rethink it. Start with your dream, no matter how big it may seem. If the dream is to own a restaurant, move to Italy, or become a doctor, what is one small project you could do today to move you closer to making that dream a reality?

You’ll notice that once you’re open to ideas, the knowledge you need magically appears. And if you’ve forgotten what that dream you had was, it’s time to get quiet and go within, because all the answers are somewhere inside.

Plank to Win

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Despite my love of April Fool’s Day (yes, I’ve made chocolate-covered cotton balls for students and delighted in their expressions as they bit into them), this is not an April Fool’s joke, just another weekly blog post.

Today’s entry in my Simple Abundance book began with a quote, “Can you remember who you were before the world told you who you should become?” It’s attributed to Danielle LaPorte, a Canadian best-selling author, entrepreneur, and blogger.  

Each time I read it, I fight back tears. I can feel the sadness behind those words. I can remember the dreams I had that I shoved aside because of someone else’s insistence.

It took me years before I decided I didn’t care what people thought anymore. I was finally ready to do what I wanted to do.

“You can’t leave your steady job for the unknown!”

“Go ahead, write a book, but just know that NOBODY’S first novel becomes a best seller. It takes years and years of writing books to get on the best-selling charts.”

“You can’t give up your insurance!”

Those were all real statements I heard from people close to me when I finally got the courage to leave my teaching job of 17 years.

Mind you, I do not regret spending time in a classroom with high school kids. Every job you accept should be a learning or an earning opportunity, and those kids taught me something new every single day.

I do regret letting some adults walk over me and making me feel small.

​Back to those early years

The funny thing is, when I was young, I was going to be an author when I grew up. They say that around age 9, you lose your confidence in yourself and you start to listen to what other people say about you. So sad.

If I had stuck to my guns, I’d have already written numerous books.

Think back. What did you want to be when you grew up? What if you could still be that today?

It’s so easy to become comfortable in what our daily routine looks like. We begin to think it’s impossible to change paths because, well, we’d disrupt other people in our lives. Change is scary! And Heaven forbid, we might not be successful trying something besides whatever we’re doing right now.

But there’s a voice inside of you, reminding you that it’s not too late to be what you might have been.

A personal challenge

Every spring for the past several years, my husband and I begin a planking challenge. We sprawl out on the floor with our forearms bent at 90 degree angles, set our phone timers, and see how long we can plank before we collapse to the floor.

We’ve always heard that holding a plank position for more than two minutes doesn’t offer many benefits, so that’s always the goal.  Alexi McKinley, a woman on TikTok, does a two-minute plank every day and believes that “a two-minute plank a day keeps the limiting beliefs away.”

I’ve started following her and watching her do the two-minute plank and she’s become a motivator for me. “You’re doing that plank, and you’re starting to think you may not make it, but you talk yourself into doing the hard thing.”

I love the idea that if I can do a two minute plank, I can do anything. So can you. Whatever that voice in your head is telling you - not the one reminding you to put milk on the grocery list - you should start listening to.

Maybe planking isn’t your thing, but it’s definitely mine. I’ve done three two-minute planks in the last three days and I’m writing a book that I’ll publish later this year. Get rid of those limiting beliefs and go out and be whoever it is you started out to become.

Are You Prepared?

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I’m going way off topic today to talk about something that keeps circling in my mind. Allow me to sidetrack from pushing you to be your most authentic self for a moment and talk about a few other things I believe are important to consider.

This blog originates in western Nebraska. Within the last several months, we’ve had higher than normal temperatures and way above average wind speeds. The landscape here is mostly flat grassland.

We recently had a wildfire that affected five different counties and burned around 640,000 acres.

Farmers and ranchers in the path of that fire have had to evacuate homes, horses, cattle, and their livelihoods.

At one point, there was a chance that the fire might jump a highway. That would’ve brought it a whole lot closer to my location.

Anyone who’s read at least a few of my blog posts knows that I religiously read a book called Simple Abundance: A Daybook of Comfort and Joy by Sarah Ban Breathnach. I’m currently reading the book again for the third or fourth time and every time it means something different to me.

The book has an entry for every day of the year and the last day of each month suggests something else you should be putting away inside a Caution Closet.

I’m not a Doomsday prepper and so until this year, I would simply skim over these end-of-the-month entries. I can be a slow learner, but I’m starting to take notice.

With the recently contained fire and a monthly reminder that I should be creating a Caution Closet, I’ve started to consider a few things.

Such as…

If my family has to evacuate their homes within a short amount of time, what do we grab to take with us? There’s no way I’ll be able to carry all of our photo albums, my dogs, cats, and some clothing.  

If cell phones are out of service (for whatever reason), how do I get in touch with family members?

For that matter, how do I find the numbers of my loved ones since we haven’t had to memorize phone numbers since I was in middle school? (And for some of you - ever.)

And the worst one, if we’re all told to evacuate and our cell phones aren’t working, where do we meet?

This is the stuff of nightmares! I hope I’m never in any of these situations, but some Nebraskans have been. I’m assuming their phones were still working when they had to abandon their homes, but thinking of all the priceless sentimental items they had to leave behind is scary enough.

The one thing I have going for me is a purchase I made not long ago of a fire-resistant briefcase. Our most important papers are inside and it’s not too big that it would be a problem to grab and run.

The other thing we all have working in our favor is that so many of our photos and important documents can be stored in the Cloud. As long as we know how to get to them, they’re safe.

​Things to do today

For peace of mind, I plan to print and also have a Google document list of phone numbers of those people closest to me. It embarasses me that I don’t actually know many by heart, but that’s a downside of technology, we get lazy.

The other item I’m taking care of right now is one suggested by Sarah’s book. Our phones can keep our medical information available on the home screen when you update the setting, “show when locked.” There’s also a spot to set up in case of emergency, where your phone automatically calls those closest to you, in the event of an accident.

None of these scenarios is one we want to think about. I’m sure those families who lost their homes and their livestock weren’t planning on that fire reaching them that day either.

Sometimes on the journey to finding ourselves, we have to take a minute to take care of each other, too.  

Still Learning

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I’ve officially been writing a weekly blog for over a year.

Holy crap! I can’t believe that something I’ve tried so many times in the past, finally found a way to stick.

The difference? The difference is that during this past year, I’ve been learning how to believe in myself. After all, you’re with yourself longer than you’re with any other single person on this planet.

I’m learning. I’m figuring out that there are things I do, and say, and write, that I’m incredibly proud of. I’m working on being honest with myself.

Listening to your heart seems like it should be something we learn in kindergarten, but it’s taken me my whole life to realize that there is a knowing, an understanding, and a compass inside of me.

I don’t need to ask advice from others; I just need to know how to pay attention to the answers I’ve already got inside.  

But another thing I’ve been learning is that I love being around my people. So while I may not need advice to know the direction my life should take, I do need friendship and laughter and encouragement and love.

​The hardest thing to learn…

Another thing this past year has shown me is the importance of trust. It’s the hardest thing to let go of the illusion that we have control of our lives, and trust that every single thing is working in our favor.

Trusting is something I’m still working on, even though I KNOW with everything in me, that all will be okay. Letting go and free-falling is scary. But I have no doubt the net is there. It’s been there so many times.

But more importantly

I’d like to thank you. Many of you were put on my email list because I decided you should be there. But you’ve stayed. And you’ve brought friends. To all of you who listen, watch, or read my blog, I’m grateful for you. You give me a reason to keep expressing myself and to continue building this fantastic, supportive community.

Those of you who have expressed that I made you think, you agreed or disagreed with me, or that you simply want to see what I’m going to do next, thank you. Every comment, whether in public or private, means more than I’ll ever be able to express.

​

I’m going to keep writing, blogging, and working on becoming a better writer and better person every day. I hope you, too, are on your own authentic journey and that you are discovering crazy good things about yourself and it’s easy to smile at the reflection looking back at you. When you continue looking for the magic, that’s exactly what you’ll find.

Listening

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The past few weeks, I’ve felt like I’ve been ignoring a message meant explicitly for me. A handful of times, I’ve been nudged toward meditation, but haven’t done anything about it except notice.

Finally, I decided I better do something about it, or risk missing whatever I was supposed to learn or experience.

Today’s blog entry is a recap of my first five days of meditation.  

1st Day​

Day 1: I began with a Google search for beginning meditation YouTube videos. I found a 10-Minute Meditation for Beginners by Goodful and found a quiet place in my home to begin. The soft male voice encouraged me that meditation is good for helping you think before reacting, something I could’ve used long ago. I got a couple minutes in, sitting in a relaxed position, eyes closed, breathing in deeply, when an ad interrupted - “Watch what happens when eating blueberries every day causes five pounds of poop to get stuck-”. I clicked out of the ad and right back to my “relaxed” breathing, but was definitely contemplating how many blueberries I’d eaten lately vs trips to the bathroom.

I did feel better afterwards than I had at the beginning and I was able to focus on what the video was saying, rather than letting my thoughts go in a thousand different directions. I’ll keep trying it.

2nd Day​

Day 2: My Google search resulted in 10 Minute Relaxing Guided Meditation for Beginners by The Body Coach. I sat in the same place and as soon as it started, I was told to simply notice any aching or tension in the body. Found it! Next, we started breathing in through the nose and out through the nose. She instructed me to inhale, 1, exhale, and on the next inhale, continue on with 2, and then exhale. I was to keep going like that as long as my mind didn’t wander. Every time my mind wandered to something other than my breath, I had to start over again at 1. My breathing pattern looked like this: inhale, 1, exhale. Thinking about what else I have to do today. Inhale, 1, exhale. Thinking about some software I need to find the price of. Inhale, 1, exhale. Inhale, 2, exhale. Thinking about where we would take the dogs for their walk today. Inhale, 1, exhale.

By the time we wrapped up, I had only made it to 3, with a ton of 1s. The coach mentioned, as I opened my eyes, that focusing on the breath gets easier with time. She said some days she goes up to 15, and other times, she only makes it to 3.

I walked away feeling good about it, but realizing that I have little control over my thoughts.

3rd Day​

Day 3: Today I chose 5-Minute Meditation You Can Do Anywhere by Mindful. I almost forgot to meditate, but fit it in right before bed. The one thing I loved was that it said, “to think about something that made you smile, made you thankful or appreciative.” I discovered a report today that I could feed my almost-half written book into. With the amount of positivity and encouragement the report gave me, it made me feel like I’m following the authentic path laid out for me.

The video also told me “to thank my body for taking such good care of me. And thinking about what I could do for others that would continue bringing me joy.” This also made me smile because I’m secretly creating something special for a weekend away with my friends. More about this later.

Today’s video made me realize that short meditations are just as good as the longer ones.

4th Day​

Day 4: I was excited to find a Yoga by Adriene meditation. Adriene’s my gal for all things yoga related and I’m finding that the more meditation I do, the more it reminds me of her yoga sessions. With her as my yoga coach, the focus is always on the breath and it’s hard to think of all the things you need to do when you’re concentrating on how many counts your inhale is. The title of her video is 7-Minute Meditation to Start Your Day.

This was a bit different because even though I was in a comfortable seated position with my eyes closed, as I was inhaling and exhaling, she was directing me to bow my head and then look up to the ceiling. Then I was moving my head to the left and the right, so she managed to get a couple yoga moves in there, too.

I was just settling in when I felt a nose on my hand resting in my lap. My dog, Jill, needed some attention. She had been so quiet coming to find me that I was surprised by the nudge. From that moment on, it was hard to concentrate because if I stopped petting her, she put her paw on my arm, like, “Listen, Mom, I came all the way upstairs to find you, the least you can do is pay some attention to me.”

​5th Day

Day 5: the best day yet! Today’s meditation was titled 10-Minute Guided Meditation for Complete Beginners by Jess Yoga. What I really appreciated about this video was that she explained so much of the reasoning behind what I had been doing all week.

She said, “To make yourself more comfortable, sit on a pillow. It helps elevate the hips above the knees to create a straight spine.” She directed that I could place my hands gently in my lap with the palms up, “to receive,” or palms down, “for grounding.” I like this as on most days I feel the best with palms up. Now I know why.

She mentioned that “the goal of meditation isn’t to control your thoughts, but to stop letting your thoughts control you.” Ah! Someone finally told me the why behind meditation. She also said that she wanted me to just be a non-judgmental observer of the way my body felt and of the thoughts that came and went. Such a great idea to be less judgmental of ourselves.

I’m only five days in, but I already see the power of this. Honestly, anything that encourages you to sit quietly for a few minutes focusing on your breathing is something I can get behind. I’ll try to keep practicing it at least five days each week and report in again later. Even if it means I have to give up a few blueberries.  

Tooting Your Horn

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Today I’m going to talk about something that will make a lot of people uncomfortable. Sorry, but I'm starting to think the subject is a lot more important than I originally thought.

Recently, I’ve had a lot of deadlines - several more than I usually have. I have no one to blame but myself for overbooking my days. And it’s not the worst thing in the world because they’re all paid projects, it’s just that so many of them are supposed to be finished around the same time. Yikes!

I completed one of those projects last night, but it wasn’t until this morning that I took a moment to appreciate what I had accomplished. I originally planned to turn in the project tonight, but everything fell together yesterday so much easier than I thought it would, so I sent it out early without too much thought.

This morning I woke up feeling like I had done something amazing! And ya know what? I had!

When was the last time you allowed yourself to be proud of a job well done?

Every so often, I’ll be listening to a podcast and the topic of celebrating yourself will come up. Several people I follow have touted the value of rewarding yourself each time you reach a goal, big or small.

I have giant goals, so completing this particular project last night didn’t feel party-worthy. But today, I’m thinking that we should be celebrating all the things.

When it comes to others though

I hear myself congratulating others all the time. When they ask for a little bit more time to finish something I’m waiting on, it’s no problem.

I’m willing to offer grace to everyone else, except me. Every time I complete something, I move on to the next step without so much as a backward glance or a congratulations. That’s sad.

We should be taking the time to pat ourselves on the back more often. For some, it can be a major hurdle just to get out of bed in the morning. For others, it might be completing three things on your to-do list that day. No matter what it is you’re trying to achieve, I hope you take a moment to reward yourself every time you jump over that hurdle.

Today, when I got in my car, I danced to the music playing on my radio as I drove. Tonight, my reward will be reading a chapter in the book I’d like to curl up and read and ignore all my responsibilities. Not a huge reward, but it’s something special that I’ve been hoping to make time for. The giant reward will be coming through, and it’s just a few short months away. Stay tuned for more about that!  

Shift Your Thinking

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Yesterday I got in my van to finish a job I had started earlier in the day and of all things, I got a message that said ‘Service Shifter.’ What? I was in a hurry and confused and ready to get on my way, when I realized that the shift knob wouldn’t turn. The letters that were usually lit up above it - PRNDL - were dark.

What in the world? I shut the van off, thinking there was no reason to waste gas if I wasn’t going anywhere. I started to Google the message along with the make and model of my vehicle. After learning how to manually get it into neutral, I made a few calls to see if anyone I knew could help.

Nope, the two vehicle places I trust to work on my car had never heard of this particular problem before. I kinda chuckled to myself. This is interesting.

Apparently, I had been running through life and needed to take some time to look around.

Life has been especially busy lately. I know I’ve overbooked myself, but I’ve also been surprised at what I can accomplish when I just make the effort to start. It doesn’t matter what it is, the starting part is always the hardest. If you think about it long enough, you can talk yourself out of trying just about anything.

But when I actually put forth some effort, telling myself I’ll work on whatever it is for ten or fifteen minutes, I’m shocked at the progress I make.

​But back to the problem

So, back to the van issue. I was happy with myself that I took it all in stride. Things like this could easily have caused a meltdown a few years back. But instead, I looked at it differently. Since I was stuck in my car with nowhere to go, I prayed. I asked for help to get the van moving again. Pretty soon, my husband showed up and off we went, leaving the van for the night. I may have forgotten to pray about getting the van moving right then, at that moment.

Since some time has passed now, I’m looking at this differently. Was there something I was supposed to learn? Do I need to slow down, not trying to tackle so many things at once? Was it a push to write about it in my blog this week? Because honestly, before I write each blog, I pray asking God to guide my thoughts and my fingers as I type. Was this the message I was supposed to send out into the world?

Or, if we want to get really deep, was I saved from an accident because my car wouldn’t shift into Drive?

What sort of stretch would it take for you to bless your circumstances, including your problems?

Our life is far from perfect. We’re in a new season and maneuvering around situations we aren’t familiar or comfortable with. It’s not bad, it’s just different. It seems we’re leaning on each other a lot more lately, and that’s good.

But it’s always been hard for me to trust that I’m in exactly the spot I should be, right now. There’s always another hill I want to climb so that I achieve my next goal. Maybe I need to slow down and enjoy where I am.

Trusting and blessing your situation, no matter what it might be, is hard. In my mind, there’s a reason for everything and I’m not the one in charge, although I like to think I am. Perhaps I’m getting a lesson in patience or perseverance.

Whatever the reason for the vehicle issue, today, when we went back to see if anything had changed, everything was back to normal. Trust does not come easily. But being open to change and looking for the lesson has made a world of difference in my life.

Looking Forward to Looking Back

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I finished Matthew McConaughey’s book Greenlights. It’s full of great stories about a world I know nothing about - part of the fun of reading it!

I’m not going to spoil the book for you by telling you too much, but there were a couple of things he said at the end that I thought were especially powerful. And yes, you should definitely listen to him read the audiobook. He’s a great storyteller.

He asked when are you MOST yourself? This really made me stop and think. I had to pause the audio and drive in silence for a bit. He said it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re the happiest, but it means you are most yourself. “Your light is shining and you are who you are and no one else.”

McConaughey also mentioned that just because we are good at something doesn’t mean that is what we’re meant to do in this life. I was thankful to hear him say that because I think I was a pretty good teacher, but I never felt like teaching was what I was called to do. I was good at building relationships with my students, which I wouldn’t trade for anything, but I believe the kids learned because they trusted me, not because I was meant to be a teacher.

But back to Greenlights. A question he raises is this: can we live in a way where we look forward to looking back?

I think we all want to live without cringing about where or what we’ve been. But for some of us, it takes a few tries before we get it right. I’ve worked in many different jobs, but I’m not ashamed of that because looking back, I learned valuable lessons from each one that have guided me to where I am today.

But when am I most myself?

I think I’m most myself when I’m sharing stories and experiences with people. Doing something like this - writing a blog, because I have a need to share some things with the world. I don’t always know that it makes a difference to any great number of people, but it matters to me.

Because why not?

Along those same lines, I’m making up a story based on an event that happened near my home 118 years ago. This story will be published as my first historical fiction novel and I can tell you I’m MOST myself when I’m figuring out how each character would react in whatever situation I’ve thrown them into, and what comes next.

Again, I’m plunging myself into a world I know very little about, and I’m enjoying it every day. It’s not all going to be historically correct - some things will be twisted to fit my story - but in the end, my goal is to create a book that makes people want to keep reading. And because you’re here, I have an idea that it might appeal to you, so I’m going to keep you up-to-date on how it’s going.  

Being able to live in a way where we look forward to looking back means to me that we should keep on searching for the authentic path to feeling most like ourselves. When you’re running through life at one hundred miles an hour, it’s tough to see all the sights. We need to take the time to figure out what feels like us, gravitate toward those things, and do that every single chance we get.  

Greenlights

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I have to tell you about the audiobook I’m listening to. It’s called Greenlights and it’s written AND read by Matthew McConaughey. Yes, Magic Mike’s Matthew McConaughey. THAT Matthew McConaughey.

I started his audiobook almost a year ago and to be completely honest with you (sorry Matthew), I didn’t like the way he read the introductory material in such a sing-songy voice. So I quit listening.  

Recently, though, I ran out of audiobooks and that being the only one in my library I didn’t have to pay for and I hadn’t already listened to, I started it over.

This time, I wasn’t bothered as much by the way he read the introductory material. Then I got into some of his stories, and I actually rewound it so that my husband could listen too.

He’s a great storyteller and his world is so different from my own that it’s highly entertaining.

In one section, he talks about his first big movie. It was A Time to Kill, a book by John Grisham. He remembers that on the Friday the movie was coming out, he walked down the street to get a sandwich at his favorite shop. There were 400 other people on the street, and four of them noticed him - three girls who thought he was cute and one guy who liked his shoes. The other 396 didn’t pay any attention to him.

A Time to Kill came out that night and grossed millions at the box office. On Monday, he was headed again down the same street to get his favorite sandwich, and once again, there were about 400 people on the street. This time, 396 of them recognized him and four didn’t. Fame happened that quickly.

But the real point…

He goes on to talk about how right after that, he couldn’t tell what was real anymore. He felt like he was floating around aimlessly and he couldn’t find a way to get back to what he knew was his “truth.”

I don’t want to ruin the book for you, but he did a few different things to find his way back to himself. The things he says in the book about getting back to reality hit me in a big way.

He says (not exactly like this, but pretty close):

The truth found me. Why? Because I put myself in a place to be found. I put myself in a place to receive it. I believe the truth is all around us, all the time, but we don’t always see it. The anonymous angels, the answers. We don’t grasp it because we’re not in the right place to. We have to make a plan.

Next, he says this prayer:

God, when I come across the truth, give me the awareness to receive it, the consciousness to recognize it, the presence to personalize it, the patience to preserve it, and the courage to live it.

What does that sound like?

Wow! He’s talking about the authentic self. The truth is what you are meant to be in this world. Sometimes we don’t recognize it right away, but we’re also probably not looking for it.

He continues talking about how to find your truth. He suggests that we have to get free of the noise of this world, and says this will look different for every single person.

I’d offer that you could get free of the noise by putting down your phone and walking away. Or you could be free of the noise by praying to whomever it is you pray to. Or getting outside in nature. Or even by meditating - something that’s been tapping me on the shoulder a lot lately.

He says the truth will need no introduction. We must take that truth into the screaming arena that is our lives.

I used to teach my high school kids about the excerpt from president Theodore Roosevelt’s 1910 speech in which he talks about “The Man in the Arena,” except I always called it “The Woman in the Arena,” because I could identify with it and I wanted the girls to have a bit of a push to go be who they were called to be.

I encourage you to look up that part of the speech. A section of it says, “Who strives valiantly, who spends herself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement and who at worst, if she fails, at least fails daring greatly so that her place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”

THAT’s how we should be living!

My wish and hope for you today and every day is that your life isn’t one of mediocrity, but one where you’re either failing or succeeding greatly. 

Much Appreciation

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Winter is my least favorite season. I know this will shock all of you ‘we love fall most of all, people’, but when that season hits, I start to feel homesick. It’s not that I’m actually away from home, but summer is MY time and the further I get from it, the sadder I become.

Not counting this winter, which has been amazingly mild, there are days, and sometimes weeks when we see very little sun. If we do see it, we certainly don’t feel it. But, like I said, this winter has been so much nicer than any I can remember.

However, recently we had a bit of a cold spell. The temperatures dropped and the sun disappeared. After a few days of this, my attitude sank. I know seasonal depression is a real thing, but I’ve never thought it was something that affected me. Now, I’m rethinking that.

The best way I’ve found to get beyond this Mother Nature-induced misery is to think about every little thing I’m grateful for.

​It goes like this

When I get up in the morning, the first thing I do is let my dogs in and feed them breakfast. They greet me like it’s been months, even when it’s just been a few hours. Next up are the cats, even though one of them is clearly irritated that I disturbed her slumber, the male - Frank - is always happy to see me.

From there, I think about how lucky we are that we woke up to a warm house, lights that work, and a shower with warm running water. I thank the Lord that we live where we do - even with winter - because all our kids and almost all our grandkids are close by.

Spending time being grateful for everything from breakfast in my fridge to a car that runs, always makes me feel better, lighter.

I can also take my gratitude one step further and examine where I’m at in life. I have goals and dreams I haven’t reached yet, but then I think about how much closer I am than ever before.

This past week, I joined fellow writers in a Zoom call and we all talked about where we are in our writing journey. I was grateful to be able to respond that I’m published, my word count is growing in my novel, and I have a bit of a blogging audience - thanks to you! I was not as inexperienced as some in the room. Super grateful for that!

Gratitude tends to build upon itself and extends to every aspect of my life, once I start paying attention to it. I notice that the number of amazing people, things, and experiences keeps growing. The sign I see first thing in the morning that says ‘Ready for today’s magic’ becomes a reality.

We’ve had some sad situations in our family lately and it’s hard to not focus solely on those. But the flip side is that it’s bringing us all together, physically, for the first time in as long as I can remember.

(Side note: why does it take a funeral to get people to gather? Shouldn’t we be getting together during happy times?)

I think the bottom line is that being truly grateful is just one of the building blocks to living an authentic life. Things can change in a blink of an eye, without warning. I, for one, am going to continue being eternally grateful for this crazy life we get to live.

Edging Closer to Your Goals

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I used to be able to attend a weekly Zoom book club. I got involved because a lady I met on LinkedIn posted something about when the book club met and the title of the book they would be reading. I had been following that particular author’s podcasts, so I asked if I could join.

It was a great group of women and during those first three or four months, we really got to know each other well as we met and discussed what we loved, disagreed with, or what hit home for us in that week’s reading assignment. I had never been in a book club before and I thoroughly enjoyed listening to other points of view. I often walked away thinking differently about something because of the points made by one of the other five ladies.

The second and final book I was able to read with my book club was called The 12 Week Year by Brian P. Moran and Michael Lennington.

The overarching premise of the book is that a year is too much time to try to accomplish something. According to these two guys, you should be able to get it done in just 12 weeks.

These men have a solid argument. If you think about New Year’s Resolutions, for example, how often are they achieved? Most people have the best of intentions on January 1st, only to fizzle out quickly, and probably don’t even remember what it is they were going to do by May 15th.  

The author’s suggest that we need to shorten the time frame. Twelve weeks is three months, which seems long, but not when you follow their advice and create measurable goals. They offer free resources on their website (12weekyear.com), which include goal and planning worksheets and a way to grade yourself on how well you’re doing.

The point is?

What does any of this have to do with becoming more authentic? Everything.

If you’re anything like me, you’ve always had this thing in the back of your mind, that you felt you should be doing. For me it’s always been writing. But thinking about doing something is only the first step.

You have to imagine yourself doing whatever it is that you know you’ll love. After “seeing” yourself doing that thing, your brain starts to think that you’re actually doing it and the crazy idea starts to feel like something you already do. Not so crazy after all.  

For myself, I started by writing newspaper articles. Once that became a normal thing I do, I upped the ante. A book idea had formed in my head, so after picturing myself writing it, I began sitting down, creating strings of sentences which eventually formed chapters. That was awesome, except that I forgot all my 12 Week Year advice and just wrote whenever I wanted to.

However, within the last couple weeks, I found a group of writers who invited me to try writing sprints, joined them, and began writing regularly.

I thought again about the 12 Week Year planning sheets, and now I have a measurable goal, with an end date on paper. So exciting!!

Some background

For anyone wanting to work on measurable goals, the Pomodoro technique is amazing. Pomodoro is the Italian word for tomato. The creator of the Pomodoro used a tomato-shaped kitchen timer, timing himself working for 25 minutes, then taking a break, then working again for 25 minutes, non-stop. The guidance I’ve been given is that during the 5 to 10-minute break, you should move your body and stay off your phone.

My writing sprints consist of two 25-minute periods with about ten minutes of walking around my house, doing stretches, or petting my dogs, in between. My brain has gotten used to this method and now when I sit down to write, everything clicks into place and it’s easy to get lots of words on paper. Just as I’ve been told would happen, I’m able to get into the flow so much quicker than before.

In the past, I’ve gently nudged you to try whatever that idea in your head is. Now, I’m giving you practical methods to get busy on it. Before long, I’m hoping to hear that your path - and mine - to authenticity has become a real thing, whether it’s selling cupcakes out of a horse trailer or publishing an actual book. 

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What If?

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I have a sticky note on my computer that says, “What if it all works out?”

That one sentence packs a powerful punch.

To me, and of course, we all interpret things differently, that sentence infers that I’m struggling to MAKE it all work out. It also denotes a pessimism that I might be feeling about my life if the sticky note is saying, hey, instead of focusing on what could go wrong, what if you focused instead on what could go right?

What would happen if we all did that?

What if you’re in exactly the right place you’re supposed to be in today? Maybe you’re sitting in a job you’ve grown out of, thinking you’d rather be anywhere but there. But are you earning or learning? Because if you are, there’s some value to that position. You just have to decide if there’s ENOUGH value for you to stay.

Or, maybe you’re helping a friend today, and in your head, you’re wishing you were home because your to-do list is a mile long. What if there’s a lesson you’re supposed to learn that’s happening while you’re with your friend? If you leave, you miss the lesson.

My sticky note message implies that if we stop focusing on what we want to happen tomorrow or next week or next month, and actually be present in the life we’re living today, then we’re doing exactly what we’re supposed to be doing. It IS working out.

​Did you wish for this?

Think about your life today. Think about the house you live in, the car you drive, the job you do, and the family you have. Can you remember when those things were your prayers?

Maybe you lived with your parents and you couldn’t wait to get into a house of your own. Maybe you were given an old car on its last legs to drive. Maybe you had dreamt about a regular job with a steady paycheck. And maybe you had hoped you’d be able to build a family of your own someday and now you’re in it.

Each time we achieve something we pray for, another goal pops up. And that’s okay. It’s okay to keep reaching.

But we also have to take time to appreciate what we’ve accomplished so far in life, especially if you’ve had the courage to live a life true to yourself. That’s what it means to live authentically - being true and respectful to yourself.

When you decide to give up control and trust God, Spirit, or your higher power, you’re saying, I’m ready. Move me in the direction I’m supposed to go. I trust that something higher than myself is in charge and knows the direction I’m headed.

No one is here by accident. But success means something different to every single person. Someone in your town already looks at you and sees a successful person.

Maybe it really is working out.  

This week, if your neck is sore because your shoulders have constantly been up around your ears in tense anticipation, take a breather and know that the universe is truly working in your favor.

Tell Me Lies

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I once took advantage of a free session with a life coach I had been following on Instagram. We met on Zoom and we talked about the writing goals I had for my life, even though I was a teacher at the time.

I told her exactly what I wanted my life to look like and then she asked me why it didn’t already look that way. I told her I didn’t have time to write because my teaching job took up about 60 hours each week. She asked why. I told her because I cared about my students, so when I wasn’t teaching, I was meeting with students, checking papers, or planning future lessons. She asked why.

By this time, I was getting kind of irritated with her. I didn’t understand if we had a poor wifi connection, or if she just wasn’t listening. She kept asking why, and I kept coming up with answers, none of which satisfied her.

Eventually, after what felt like the 100 millionth why, I said because I made a choice to be a teacher. Aaahhhhhh, she said, what if you made a choice instead, to be a writer? What would the path from being a teacher to becoming a writer look like?

We talked through all of it and I started to see that the stories we tell ourselves are extremely important. As long as my brain knew I was a teacher, it wouldn’t accept that I was also a writer. But it did like the idea of a teacher figuring out how to be a writer.

Tell me sweet little lies

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the stories, or, let’s be honest - lies, we tell ourselves. Every single one of us does this. You may think you’re above it, but that’s just because your lies are so deeply ingrained that you believe all of them.

For instance, in the winter, I like to wear long-sleeved shirts when I’m at home. Short-sleeves are too chilly and sweatshirts or sweaters are too hot, so long sleeves are just right. This past week, I kept thinking to myself that I should order a couple long-sleeved shirts because I didn’t have enough to get through one week without having to wash clothes.

On Sunday, I was washing clothes and I noticed a long-sleeved shirt. And another. And then two more. I started counting both the ones that were dirty and the clean ones hanging in my closet. I discovered that I have SIXTEEN long-sleeved shirts! That’s way more than I need to get through one week, but I had convinced myself that I didn’t have enough.

We tell ourselves other stories, too - much more important life-changing stories.

You better sit down…

I’m going to come clean with you and tell you I’m writing a book. By the way, I wasn’t going to say anything until I was further along with it, but I think the accountability will be good for me, so feel free to ask me how it’s going from time to time.

I started the book and only got so far, probably around a couple thousand words, before I stopped writing. I decided I didn’t have enough time to devote to it. But then, I joined a New Author Boot Camp, and I was able to get my book to 10,000 words! I was excited!

For reference, the kind of book I’m writing needs to be around 80,000 words to be considered done.

But then the holidays hit, and I decided I was just too busy to write much again. I was still thinking that until this week, when I learned about writing sprints. The gist of the idea is that you write for 25 minutes without stopping or correcting, take a five to ten minute break, and then write for another 25 minutes.

For someone who doesn’t have any time to write, I was able to write 754 words during my first night and 1044 words the second night. I’ve been lying to myself and I’m really good at it!

I’m guessing you’re good at it too. What are some of the stories you tell yourself? You’ll follow your dreams once the kids leave the house? You’re probably not very good at x,y, or z, even though you get compliments about it all the time? Or you just don’t have enough time to follow your dreams right now.

Do me a favor, go to the settings on your phone and start keeping track of how much time you spend on the different apps you have. If you used even half of that time working on whatever would get you closer to your dreams, you’d be able to see progress. Seeing progress makes your brain want to see more progress, and on and on, until you can actually envision yourself becoming the person you’ve only dreamt about.

The crazy idea you’ve always wanted to believe in isn’t so far away. Start questioning the stories you’re telling yourself and give your brain the space it needs to create a path to a more authentic you. 

New Year, Better You

*If you’d rather watch or listen to this, click here.

I’m always excited about a brand new year! It doesn’t matter to me what happened last year; when the clock strikes midnight on New Year’s Eve, I always feel as though my life has been reset.

It doesn’t matter if I’m awake or asleep at midnight, although I personally love to be awake and experience the excitement of that moment.

The things that didn’t pan out in the previous year? Those were simply lessons I needed to learn.

This year, setting New Year’s Resolutions is not the cool thing to do. I can’t keep track of how many times I’ve seen the phrase “New Year, Same Me" on social media. I think it’s okay to move beyond resolutions because so many of those fail within the first month anyway.

This blog is all about recognizing your authenticity or your authentic path. But, I’d like to give you some actual steps forward to do that and some of this advice reminds me of resolutions, but I’d rather you think of it as a new way of thinking.

​You already know

First of all, there’s already an idea in your head of what you’re supposed to be doing. Up until now, you’ve been too scared to act on it. But that little idea is in your head for a reason. Your authentic self already knows what you were put here to accomplish and the exciting glimpses you get are to encourage you to get moving.

If you’re anything like me, you know what lights you up. You can see yourself doing it. But then, it’s too scary and you shut it all down. How would you even get from here to there anyway?  

According to my You are a Badass planner, Your job isn’t to know the how, it’s to know the what and to be open to discovering, and receiving the how.

But honestly, where would you even start? Have you ever noticed that the information you’re seeking comes to you right when you need it?

My planner again: We pretend our excuses are very serious and real when they’re usually rather cute and ridiculous.

For instance, if your excuse is money, could you possibly work a part-time job while you follow your dream? Or maybe you stay in your current job, but instead of spending three hours scrolling social media each night, you devote that time to whatever will push you closer to your goal.

Also, there’s this: Tame, vague goals are the best way to live a tame, vague life. If you want to knock it out of the park, you need to know exactly what you’re shooting for.

Think about what you truly love - is it drawing? Painting? Creating jewelry? Making food from scratch? Writing? That’s most likely connected to, if not the whole sombrero, of what you’re supposed to be doing.

My planner has an idea about how this should feel, too. This is the feeling you’re going for when you make a huge leap in your life: equal parts excitement and terror.

It’s okay to be scared. I’ve been/am/will probably still be scared all the time when I think about the steps I need to complete to accomplish all I want to. It’s okay. I’m getting used to being scared and even wondering if goals that aren’t scary are worth it at all.

The one thing I have been able to move beyond is the idea that other people will laugh at me. There will always be Negative Nellys in your life. Take a good look at them. My guess is that they’re in a nice, safe job and life that will never be described as anything close to equal parts excitement and terror. The only thing that keeps them busy is talking about other people. Let. Them. Talk. You’ve got better things to do than worry about them.

But this…​

That brings me to the scariness of the future. If you can’t push yourself to live out your authentic dream because you should, think about how it would feel if you continue putting it off and waiting for the time to be right, and then looking around and realizing your friends are already living their authentic lives.

Someone around you is already doing it, so why shouldn’t you?

My planner also says: Faith smothers your fear of the unknown. I know this to be a fact. When I quit teaching, my first fear was that we wouldn’t have enough money to live on. Instead of looking at all we had, I kept thinking about all we didn’t.

But both Sarah Ban Breathnock of Simple Abundance and Jen Sincero of all the You Are a Badass books agree that you already have all that you need. And they’re right. Put your faith in God, Spirit, the Divine Being, whatever you believe in, and you’ll see that as long as you continue being grateful for everything you have, you’ll never go without.

With all that encouragement, what is still keeping you from following your craziest, happiest, most outrageous dreams? No more excuses. This is finally our year!

A Note of Encouragement

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The thing no one tells you about Christmas as a kid is that sometimes, as an adult, the holidays are terribly hard.

​By the way…

*If young children are present and you’re watching or listening to this, you might want to send them in the other room for this recollection of one of my Christmas Eves as a child.

It’s Christmas Eve - one of my favorite days of the year as a kid. For my family, Santa always showed up on this night, usually after my dad had taken my sister and me on a ride to see Christmas lights or some other errand that simply could not wait, to give my mom the time she needed to get everything ready.

One of my favorite memories is from a Christmas Eve at my grandmother’s house. My sister and I had been taken on a drive to see the lights around town with my dad and my uncle John. I don’t know how old I was, but I was on the cusp of not believing anymore.

As we were driving around, the two adults got so excited about some lights they saw in the sky. They pointed them out to us, something they could both clearly see, but neither of us could. They were watching Rudolph’s shining nose as it tracked across the sky. I was baffled. Rudolph was real? I certainly couldn’t find the light they were so excitedly talking about.

Then, as we returned to my grandma’s house, following the mysterious light I couldn’t see but assured them I could, as we raced into the house following them, we chased them to the back door, where we actually heard a jingle bell as Santa snuck out the door and out of sight.

Disappointed, but faith restored in Santa, we journeyed back through the house to the Christmas tree to find that the presents had doubled since we’d left on our drive. It was a magical experience and a treasured memory.

​However

But Christmas, or any major holiday, is a time of extremes. It can be the best of times, or the worst of times. If you’ve had a rough year, it seems all you notice are the happy people around you celebrating.

I know there are people within my family and my community who are struggling. It’s hard to put on a smiling face when people you love are no longer here, or you know their time on Earth is short. I’m not here to tell you that pain isn’t real. It is. You should absolutely feel all those feelings because life can be terribly sad at times.

But it can also be wonderful, and so often, when we’re sad, it’s hard to find the good.

My You Are a Badass calendar recently had a wonderful exercise that I’d like you to try right now. It said, glance around the place you’re in for one full minute, looking for anything red. Try it. Notice all the red things around you. How many did you find?

When you were looking around the room, how many yellow things did you see? Definitely not as many as the red items, right?

What a great reminder that we see what we look for. I’ve tried a similar exercise suggested by Mel Robbins. She encourages people to find heart shapes in nature. Once I started looking, I found heart-shaped rocks, leaves, and even branches lying in a heart shape.

Sarah Ban Breathnach advises her readers to search for the Sacred in the ordinary, as she certainly does in her book Simple Abundance.

Again, I’m not here to make light of anyone’s feelings of sadness, especially at this time of year. Your feelings are real and should be felt and expressed. Life can be awful and amazing and full of hurt, and full of happiness, all at the same time.

My Christmas wish for you is to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Keep moving forward, no matter how slowly you have to do it, and always, always keep looking for the good. 

That Time of Year

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As I sit down to write this, we’re exactly seven days away from all the holiday craziness, if you celebrate Christmas. Or maybe the craziness started much earlier and you’re now able to relax?

Just kidding! I don’t know of many women who relax much at all until the end of day on December 25th.

Admit it - you or someone close to you is currently freaking out about the schedule, the food, or the gifts that most certainly aren’t going to arrive on time.

I would be willing to guess that there are even people out there who haven’t done a thing about decorating their home yet.

<Insert giant sigh here.> Why do we do this to ourselves? We know the holidays show up at the same time every year. I would be willing to bet that most people have the best of intentions when it comes to buying the gifts, decorating the house, making the food, and even creating a schedule that works for the entire family.

But let’s be honest. There are too many variables. We’re already stressed out more than any other time of year (crazy how we all end up sick, isn’t it?), we can’t control the snowstorm that has derailed all the packages, and to many of the family, the master schedule just doesn’t matter that much.

Bah humbug!

I don’t want to be a Scrooge, but just once, I’d like the holidays to happen authentically, without all the extra stress.

I’d like the focus to be on quality time spent with whoever could make it, whenever they could arrive. I’d love for gifts to be the last thing we were expecting. And it would be magical, especially for someone who’s not crazy about cooking, if all the food could just fall deliciously together.

In my mind, the commercialism of this holiday season has gone off the rails. We all (especially the women in the family) push ourselves harder than at any other time of year. We make all the goodies, decorate like our home is about to be photographed for a magazine layout, and stay up late wrapping gifts as beautifully as we can.

The thing is, we’ve lost our sense of direction. Instead of trying to cram fourteen more things into the month, let’s scale back. Heck, let’s do the same with our spending!

There’s still time to change!

My Christmas is going to be centered on gratitude. Every single time I start to freak out, I’m switching gears and making a list in my head of all the things I’m grateful for. I’ve already found myself doing this a lot lately and it gets easier every time.

The very first Christmas was a celebration of love, not things. Let’s bring that back into style.

As the book Simple Abundance says:

“The first gift was of Spirit: unconditional Love. The next gift came from a Jewish teenager named Miriam, who was known to her family and friends as Mary. Her Christmas present was selflessness, the complete surrender of ego and will needed to bring Heaven down to earth. The gifts of her fiancé, Joseph, were trust and faith. He trusted that Mary wasn’t pregnant with another man’s child; he believed there really was a Divine Plan to get them through this mess. The Child brought forgiveness. Wholeness. Second chance. Third chances. As many chances as you need.”

Thinking of the amazing gifts offered back then, I’m simply looking forward to a couple of days with family and friends, playing games, or enjoying just being together. This is where I’m putting my efforts, and I hope you’re able to do the same.

*I receive a small commission if you purchase through affiliate links.

Imperfectly Perfect

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Most of the time, I can’t keep up with all my social media accounts. I’m not sad about this because it means I have better things to do than spend all my time on my phone. On a really busy day, I might just get in, check my notifications, and get out.

But recently, I took some time to revisit Instagram. This is my second favorite social media app, right after Snapchat, where I connect with my kids. I’ve intentionally worked on my feed so that the majority of what I see on there is exactly what I want to see - funny pet videos.

Every now and then, something about starting a new business will sneak its way through and that’s what happened when I found a woman’s post about the animal art she creates. I had never seen her before.

Her post talked about how she had just about given up on Instagram when she decided to try one more post to see if she could get some attention. She said it had felt like she was sending info into the void, with no one responding or even liking her content. I get it. I’ve been there. Sometimes it’s easy to wonder if anyone would miss the content you create if you just stopped.

But as the video was rolling, showing these adorable animal paintings she created, she was explaining that in her last ditch effort to gain followers, she had decided to be honest. She talked about how hard it is to start a business that it seems only you believe in. How difficult it is to continue working on paintings day after day, with very few people buying. She even talked about how close she was to throwing in the towel and going back to a 9 to 5 job with a steady paycheck.

​Ding, ding, ding, ding!

Her post blew up! She had thousands of people who liked it and at least double that many comments. Previously, she had pretended that she was making tons of money and had lots of buyers. It seems her honesty worked. People could understand her when she talked about how hard building a business from scratch, that was far from perfect, can be.

I completely get it.

As I was thinking about her post, I happened to glance around my living room. I noticed the grandkid toys stuffed haphazardly into the bookcase. Sitting right beside me on the couch is a pile of books I rarely get to jump into, but are there because I can’t give up the idea that I might be able to grab ten minutes to read one of these days. We have built-in shelving that is absolutely stuffed with photos of people we love, jammed in at all angles. And finally, there are the dog toys scattered around.

I’m no interior designer, but I know that every day I spend outside of my house, I can’t wait to get back in it. It doesn’t matter to me that it doesn’t look perfect or ready to be photographed for a magazine layout. It’s cozy, comfy, and has some of my favorite people in it.

And one of those favorites happens to be a dog. Her name is Jill. About a year after we got our Mini Australian Shepard named Jack, we decided he needed a friend to hang out with when we couldn’t be there. We didn’t have a lot of money to spend on this friend, so I spent a long time looking.

We finally found a lady with some Mini Aussies that weren’t quite good enough to be purebreds. That was fine with us. When we met the woman and saw her puppies, she pointed Jill out to us. She said she was one of the less expensive puppies because that white ring of fur didn’t quite go all around her neck. She would never be show dog material.

​Seriously!

That’s all I needed to hear. We brought Jill home with us and have loved her ever since.  

In my authentic journey, I have discovered that being imperfectly perfect is much more interesting than any of the well polished and highly filtered photos I see on social media. It’s okay if you have an immaculate home, with an amazing business, and a purebred Aussie to boot. I just happen to think the really good stories and situations come with an extra layer of dust on them.   

Coming Clean

*If you’d like to watch or listen, click here.

I’ve had people ask about the amount of money I make from this blog. As is my style, I’m going to be completely authentic with you and give you a dose of the honest truth.

When I began writing it, almost nine months ago, I had visions of what my blog was going to accomplish:

I could see it hitting home for many people who are struggling with our ‘picture-perfect’ world social media has created.

I could see it being shared with tons and tons of people, because they thought others would like to have some honest advice on how to live more authentically.

I could also see that because it was going to be so refreshing and so popular, I was going to get multiple writing clients.

The cold, hard truth is that I have yet to earn a single dime from my blog.

Since starting it, I have worked with a couple of new writing clients, but I don’t think it’s because of the blog; I think they asked me to do writing projects for them because they know me personally.

I would love to be able to say this blog has become my main source of income, but it hasn’t. What it has done is allowed me to tap into my creativity and cemented the idea in my mind that I’m a real writer. Knowing I am faithful to a project I began without any promise of income has allowed my mind to expand into other possibilities. Those possibilities DO offer an income and I hope to be able to tell you more about that in a few months.

Being creative is something I have an actual NEED to do. As I look back at my life, I can now recognize that when I wasn’t writing, I was always doing something else to feed that need.

​Way back when

There was a time when several of my friends would get together each month to scrapbook. Those were great afternoons and evenings, and I am still so proud to look back on the pages I made using my children’s photos. We may or may not have consumed an adult beverage or three, but we were productive and still have those books to look back on.

I also fondly remember a time when I worked in a flower shop. Creating floral designs is challenging. My coworkers and I attended a flower show and I came home feeling like a flower artist. I still can’t help messing with arrangements I receive. Remembering those days, I attended a workshop a couple years ago where I learned to make a holiday porch pot.

I’ve done other things to feed my creativity, too. There was a Christmas long ago when I made wood craft gifts, another where the whole family created ornaments of ourselves out of clay, baked them, and hung them on the tree. They always bring a smile to my face when I unwrap them from their cushy storage and hang them on the tree again. As for my Christmas tree, I love to check out the latest trends and see videos of how people are decorating. I usually take the ideas I love most and create a tree I’m proud of.

Creative = authentic​

I believe that part of the path to greater authenticity is being creative and sharing those talents with others. Recently, there was a sentence in a book I’m reading called Name Not Taken: A Novel, where a character confessed to creating sketches and paintings nobody asked for. I don’t think that’s true. I believe God puts those creative ideas in your head so you’ll share them. Someone is looking for that item, painting, or blog post. They may not know that they’re looking for that certain something until they see it and it nearly knocks them over with a sense that it was made just for them.

I’ve read that no matter what age we live to, we never use every single part of our brains. How sad. We get accustomed to using a certain area, like the analytical part, or the organizing part, or the problem-solving part, and it becomes scary to try something new, like the creative part. To live a more authentic life, I’d like to challenge you to jump into something you’re not necessarily comfortable doing. The idea has already been put into your head; you just need to act on it.  

Newlyweds Galore

*If you’d rather watch or listen (and I highly suggest you watch this one), click here.

Our fridge is currently covered with Save the Date cards. We have couples all around us who are getting married in the near future, including one of our own children and our niece. It’s exciting, and I feel honored to be a witness to the beginning of their married life.  

​This week, for the first time ever, I have a co-author on my Beguin Bits Blog, who shares the same last name - Kirk “Puppy” Beguin!

​Knowing all these weddings are coming up made me think about our own relationship. Together, we’ve been married a total of five times! You might think that means we are the LAST people who should give relationship advice, except that we’re approaching our 20th wedding anniversary and we still really like being together.

​This week’s blog is special, as it’s a time of year when we should be counting our blessings. Together, we’re going to discuss what we believe keeps a relationship happy, even after many years, drawing on our own personal experiences.

Here we go!

​He says: For instance, have a similar hobby, but it’s okay to have separate interests as long as they’re not detrimental to the relationship, like one of you going to the bar each night. I like betting on football games, while she likes reading, but we both really like going to NFL games.

​She says: It’s important to be respectful of your partner, even when you’re beyond angry. We have times when we tell the other one, “I can’t talk to you right now because I’m too mad. I need some time to think about it, and we can talk later.” It saves us from saying something we might regret.

​He says: You should enjoy doing things together like traveling, going out with friends, or maybe having a drink somewhere together. You should enjoy spending time together, rather than going off on your own or with friends all the time, which could cause the other person to get upset.

​She says: It’s easy to get irritated when you feel like you’re the only one doing a certain chore. There are times when one or the other of us will say to the other, as nicely as we can, “Are you ever going to do the dishes again, or has that become just my responsibility?” It makes more sense to think of it as doing that chore so that your partner doesn’t have to, especially when you know they don’t like it much.

​He says: Do something fun together and do it often. We both love the game of golf. We love playing it together, both as a team against others, and even competing against each other when it’s just the two of us. So if you like to golf, find a woman who likes to golf because you get to do it a lot more when she’s coming along with you, rather than fighting it.

​She says: Appreciate your partner as a person with their own distinct tastes and values, no matter how familiar with them you think you are, even after years and years. We’ve been married a long time, but we’re still surprised by each other. The fact that he is thinking about going into construction work as a carpenter, after all the remodeling we’ve done on our own house, amazes me. I recently surprised him by announcing I like Brussels sprouts. Surprise keeps things interesting.

The end goal

​At the end of the day, the biggest, most important thing is that you feel like it’s the two of you against the world and not one against the other. As long as you’re both on the same team and open to new experiences together, like we’re doing now, it becomes a situation where you both win.

​You don't want to feel like your partner isn't the best choice for you; you want to be able to look over at them, smile, and be grateful every single day that this is the person you get to spend your life with.

Trust Issues

*If you’d prefer to watch or listen to this post, click here.

My kids and I had a texting conversation about trust today. We were talking about a trust betrayed and what should happen to the person who took advantage of someone else’s trust. I’m proud to say they understand the value of being someone who’s trustworthy.

​It got me thinking about the different types of trust I’m surrounded by each day. Our pets are a good example. One of our cats is easily spooked, and it’s taken a long time for Frank to feel comfortable coming into the house since they live outside in a toasty dog house. But this morning, when I went out to feed the animals, Frank trusted enough to come inside.

We have a couple of dogs too, and it’s clear they trust us. They know we’re here to take care of their every need, and we just ask that they let us snuggle them a few times each day.

I thought about the trust of a grandchild. How do they know you’re not going to hurt them? When that little girl reaches up to take my hand, my heart melts, and there’s nothing I wouldn’t do to keep her safe. But I’ve never told any of my grandchildren these things. And yet they know.

There are co-workers, neighbors, friends, and family members with whom we build trust. Really, every single person we come into regular contact with, we build a sense of trust. Or we don’t, and we do all we can to avoid interacting with those people.

​There’s one more person

But what about you? Have you established trust in yourself? It can be a difficult process, but one that I think is vital if you’re going to listen and follow your authentic voice. At some point, you’re going to have to decide that those ideas that pop into your head are valid and you should trust that you need to act on them.  

Referring back to my Simple Abundance book, I read an entry recently that quoted Oprah saying, “When you pay attention to what feeds your energy, you move in the direction of the life for which you were intended. Trust (there’s that word again) that the Universe has a bigger, wider, deeper dream for you than you could ever imagine for yourself.”

Just thinking about that brings a smile to my face, because I know the dream I’ve come up with for myself. If it’s bigger than that, I can’t even imagine the possibilities!

But to get there, you have to let go of your ego. Your ego is going to tell you that people will laugh at you, they’ll question your sanity, and they’ll wonder what was so wrong with your life before that you had to go and make everyone around you question their own lives because you’re reaching for dreams they didn’t even know you had.

It’s okay. Let them question you.

Simple Abundance also has this advice. “The next time you’re physically sick at the thought of leaving your comfort zone, calmly reassure your conscious self that the feeling of fear is passing through you and will dissipate if you keep on moving forward.”

A glance at my daily You Are a Badass calendar also reminds me that in order to achieve the life we want, we have to envision it first. Our brains can’t tell what’s real and what is imagined. So if I pretend I just got back from a book signing enough times, my brain is going to think that’s just a normal everyday activity, and it’s how we live, and it’s much more likely I’ll be able to make it a reality.

But above all, I have to trust and I have to believe in myself. And while I know I STILL can’t trust myself around certain types of chocolate, I have found the trust in myself to tackle certain dreams that have been sent to me. I hope you have too.