Tell Me Lies

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I once took advantage of a free session with a life coach I had been following on Instagram. We met on Zoom and we talked about the writing goals I had for my life, even though I was a teacher at the time.

I told her exactly what I wanted my life to look like and then she asked me why it didn’t already look that way. I told her I didn’t have time to write because my teaching job took up about 60 hours each week. She asked why. I told her because I cared about my students, so when I wasn’t teaching, I was meeting with students, checking papers, or planning future lessons. She asked why.

By this time, I was getting kind of irritated with her. I didn’t understand if we had a poor wifi connection, or if she just wasn’t listening. She kept asking why, and I kept coming up with answers, none of which satisfied her.

Eventually, after what felt like the 100 millionth why, I said because I made a choice to be a teacher. Aaahhhhhh, she said, what if you made a choice instead, to be a writer? What would the path from being a teacher to becoming a writer look like?

We talked through all of it and I started to see that the stories we tell ourselves are extremely important. As long as my brain knew I was a teacher, it wouldn’t accept that I was also a writer. But it did like the idea of a teacher figuring out how to be a writer.

Tell me sweet little lies

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the stories, or, let’s be honest - lies, we tell ourselves. Every single one of us does this. You may think you’re above it, but that’s just because your lies are so deeply ingrained that you believe all of them.

For instance, in the winter, I like to wear long-sleeved shirts when I’m at home. Short-sleeves are too chilly and sweatshirts or sweaters are too hot, so long sleeves are just right. This past week, I kept thinking to myself that I should order a couple long-sleeved shirts because I didn’t have enough to get through one week without having to wash clothes.

On Sunday, I was washing clothes and I noticed a long-sleeved shirt. And another. And then two more. I started counting both the ones that were dirty and the clean ones hanging in my closet. I discovered that I have SIXTEEN long-sleeved shirts! That’s way more than I need to get through one week, but I had convinced myself that I didn’t have enough.

We tell ourselves other stories, too - much more important life-changing stories.

You better sit down…

I’m going to come clean with you and tell you I’m writing a book. By the way, I wasn’t going to say anything until I was further along with it, but I think the accountability will be good for me, so feel free to ask me how it’s going from time to time.

I started the book and only got so far, probably around a couple thousand words, before I stopped writing. I decided I didn’t have enough time to devote to it. But then, I joined a New Author Boot Camp, and I was able to get my book to 10,000 words! I was excited!

For reference, the kind of book I’m writing needs to be around 80,000 words to be considered done.

But then the holidays hit, and I decided I was just too busy to write much again. I was still thinking that until this week, when I learned about writing sprints. The gist of the idea is that you write for 25 minutes without stopping or correcting, take a five to ten minute break, and then write for another 25 minutes.

For someone who doesn’t have any time to write, I was able to write 754 words during my first night and 1044 words the second night. I’ve been lying to myself and I’m really good at it!

I’m guessing you’re good at it too. What are some of the stories you tell yourself? You’ll follow your dreams once the kids leave the house? You’re probably not very good at x,y, or z, even though you get compliments about it all the time? Or you just don’t have enough time to follow your dreams right now.

Do me a favor, go to the settings on your phone and start keeping track of how much time you spend on the different apps you have. If you used even half of that time working on whatever would get you closer to your dreams, you’d be able to see progress. Seeing progress makes your brain want to see more progress, and on and on, until you can actually envision yourself becoming the person you’ve only dreamt about.

The crazy idea you’ve always wanted to believe in isn’t so far away. Start questioning the stories you’re telling yourself and give your brain the space it needs to create a path to a more authentic you. 

New Year, Better You

*If you’d rather watch or listen to this, click here.

I’m always excited about a brand new year! It doesn’t matter to me what happened last year; when the clock strikes midnight on New Year’s Eve, I always feel as though my life has been reset.

It doesn’t matter if I’m awake or asleep at midnight, although I personally love to be awake and experience the excitement of that moment.

The things that didn’t pan out in the previous year? Those were simply lessons I needed to learn.

This year, setting New Year’s Resolutions is not the cool thing to do. I can’t keep track of how many times I’ve seen the phrase “New Year, Same Me" on social media. I think it’s okay to move beyond resolutions because so many of those fail within the first month anyway.

This blog is all about recognizing your authenticity or your authentic path. But, I’d like to give you some actual steps forward to do that and some of this advice reminds me of resolutions, but I’d rather you think of it as a new way of thinking.

​You already know

First of all, there’s already an idea in your head of what you’re supposed to be doing. Up until now, you’ve been too scared to act on it. But that little idea is in your head for a reason. Your authentic self already knows what you were put here to accomplish and the exciting glimpses you get are to encourage you to get moving.

If you’re anything like me, you know what lights you up. You can see yourself doing it. But then, it’s too scary and you shut it all down. How would you even get from here to there anyway?  

According to my You are a Badass planner, Your job isn’t to know the how, it’s to know the what and to be open to discovering, and receiving the how.

But honestly, where would you even start? Have you ever noticed that the information you’re seeking comes to you right when you need it?

My planner again: We pretend our excuses are very serious and real when they’re usually rather cute and ridiculous.

For instance, if your excuse is money, could you possibly work a part-time job while you follow your dream? Or maybe you stay in your current job, but instead of spending three hours scrolling social media each night, you devote that time to whatever will push you closer to your goal.

Also, there’s this: Tame, vague goals are the best way to live a tame, vague life. If you want to knock it out of the park, you need to know exactly what you’re shooting for.

Think about what you truly love - is it drawing? Painting? Creating jewelry? Making food from scratch? Writing? That’s most likely connected to, if not the whole sombrero, of what you’re supposed to be doing.

My planner has an idea about how this should feel, too. This is the feeling you’re going for when you make a huge leap in your life: equal parts excitement and terror.

It’s okay to be scared. I’ve been/am/will probably still be scared all the time when I think about the steps I need to complete to accomplish all I want to. It’s okay. I’m getting used to being scared and even wondering if goals that aren’t scary are worth it at all.

The one thing I have been able to move beyond is the idea that other people will laugh at me. There will always be Negative Nellys in your life. Take a good look at them. My guess is that they’re in a nice, safe job and life that will never be described as anything close to equal parts excitement and terror. The only thing that keeps them busy is talking about other people. Let. Them. Talk. You’ve got better things to do than worry about them.

But this…​

That brings me to the scariness of the future. If you can’t push yourself to live out your authentic dream because you should, think about how it would feel if you continue putting it off and waiting for the time to be right, and then looking around and realizing your friends are already living their authentic lives.

Someone around you is already doing it, so why shouldn’t you?

My planner also says: Faith smothers your fear of the unknown. I know this to be a fact. When I quit teaching, my first fear was that we wouldn’t have enough money to live on. Instead of looking at all we had, I kept thinking about all we didn’t.

But both Sarah Ban Breathnock of Simple Abundance and Jen Sincero of all the You Are a Badass books agree that you already have all that you need. And they’re right. Put your faith in God, Spirit, the Divine Being, whatever you believe in, and you’ll see that as long as you continue being grateful for everything you have, you’ll never go without.

With all that encouragement, what is still keeping you from following your craziest, happiest, most outrageous dreams? No more excuses. This is finally our year!

A Note of Encouragement

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The thing no one tells you about Christmas as a kid is that sometimes, as an adult, the holidays are terribly hard.

​By the way…

*If young children are present and you’re watching or listening to this, you might want to send them in the other room for this recollection of one of my Christmas Eves as a child.

It’s Christmas Eve - one of my favorite days of the year as a kid. For my family, Santa always showed up on this night, usually after my dad had taken my sister and me on a ride to see Christmas lights or some other errand that simply could not wait, to give my mom the time she needed to get everything ready.

One of my favorite memories is from a Christmas Eve at my grandmother’s house. My sister and I had been taken on a drive to see the lights around town with my dad and my uncle John. I don’t know how old I was, but I was on the cusp of not believing anymore.

As we were driving around, the two adults got so excited about some lights they saw in the sky. They pointed them out to us, something they could both clearly see, but neither of us could. They were watching Rudolph’s shining nose as it tracked across the sky. I was baffled. Rudolph was real? I certainly couldn’t find the light they were so excitedly talking about.

Then, as we returned to my grandma’s house, following the mysterious light I couldn’t see but assured them I could, as we raced into the house following them, we chased them to the back door, where we actually heard a jingle bell as Santa snuck out the door and out of sight.

Disappointed, but faith restored in Santa, we journeyed back through the house to the Christmas tree to find that the presents had doubled since we’d left on our drive. It was a magical experience and a treasured memory.

​However

But Christmas, or any major holiday, is a time of extremes. It can be the best of times, or the worst of times. If you’ve had a rough year, it seems all you notice are the happy people around you celebrating.

I know there are people within my family and my community who are struggling. It’s hard to put on a smiling face when people you love are no longer here, or you know their time on Earth is short. I’m not here to tell you that pain isn’t real. It is. You should absolutely feel all those feelings because life can be terribly sad at times.

But it can also be wonderful, and so often, when we’re sad, it’s hard to find the good.

My You Are a Badass calendar recently had a wonderful exercise that I’d like you to try right now. It said, glance around the place you’re in for one full minute, looking for anything red. Try it. Notice all the red things around you. How many did you find?

When you were looking around the room, how many yellow things did you see? Definitely not as many as the red items, right?

What a great reminder that we see what we look for. I’ve tried a similar exercise suggested by Mel Robbins. She encourages people to find heart shapes in nature. Once I started looking, I found heart-shaped rocks, leaves, and even branches lying in a heart shape.

Sarah Ban Breathnach advises her readers to search for the Sacred in the ordinary, as she certainly does in her book Simple Abundance.

Again, I’m not here to make light of anyone’s feelings of sadness, especially at this time of year. Your feelings are real and should be felt and expressed. Life can be awful and amazing and full of hurt, and full of happiness, all at the same time.

My Christmas wish for you is to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Keep moving forward, no matter how slowly you have to do it, and always, always keep looking for the good. 

That Time of Year

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As I sit down to write this, we’re exactly seven days away from all the holiday craziness, if you celebrate Christmas. Or maybe the craziness started much earlier and you’re now able to relax?

Just kidding! I don’t know of many women who relax much at all until the end of day on December 25th.

Admit it - you or someone close to you is currently freaking out about the schedule, the food, or the gifts that most certainly aren’t going to arrive on time.

I would be willing to guess that there are even people out there who haven’t done a thing about decorating their home yet.

<Insert giant sigh here.> Why do we do this to ourselves? We know the holidays show up at the same time every year. I would be willing to bet that most people have the best of intentions when it comes to buying the gifts, decorating the house, making the food, and even creating a schedule that works for the entire family.

But let’s be honest. There are too many variables. We’re already stressed out more than any other time of year (crazy how we all end up sick, isn’t it?), we can’t control the snowstorm that has derailed all the packages, and to many of the family, the master schedule just doesn’t matter that much.

Bah humbug!

I don’t want to be a Scrooge, but just once, I’d like the holidays to happen authentically, without all the extra stress.

I’d like the focus to be on quality time spent with whoever could make it, whenever they could arrive. I’d love for gifts to be the last thing we were expecting. And it would be magical, especially for someone who’s not crazy about cooking, if all the food could just fall deliciously together.

In my mind, the commercialism of this holiday season has gone off the rails. We all (especially the women in the family) push ourselves harder than at any other time of year. We make all the goodies, decorate like our home is about to be photographed for a magazine layout, and stay up late wrapping gifts as beautifully as we can.

The thing is, we’ve lost our sense of direction. Instead of trying to cram fourteen more things into the month, let’s scale back. Heck, let’s do the same with our spending!

There’s still time to change!

My Christmas is going to be centered on gratitude. Every single time I start to freak out, I’m switching gears and making a list in my head of all the things I’m grateful for. I’ve already found myself doing this a lot lately and it gets easier every time.

The very first Christmas was a celebration of love, not things. Let’s bring that back into style.

As the book Simple Abundance says:

“The first gift was of Spirit: unconditional Love. The next gift came from a Jewish teenager named Miriam, who was known to her family and friends as Mary. Her Christmas present was selflessness, the complete surrender of ego and will needed to bring Heaven down to earth. The gifts of her fiancé, Joseph, were trust and faith. He trusted that Mary wasn’t pregnant with another man’s child; he believed there really was a Divine Plan to get them through this mess. The Child brought forgiveness. Wholeness. Second chance. Third chances. As many chances as you need.”

Thinking of the amazing gifts offered back then, I’m simply looking forward to a couple of days with family and friends, playing games, or enjoying just being together. This is where I’m putting my efforts, and I hope you’re able to do the same.

*I receive a small commission if you purchase through affiliate links.

Imperfectly Perfect

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Most of the time, I can’t keep up with all my social media accounts. I’m not sad about this because it means I have better things to do than spend all my time on my phone. On a really busy day, I might just get in, check my notifications, and get out.

But recently, I took some time to revisit Instagram. This is my second favorite social media app, right after Snapchat, where I connect with my kids. I’ve intentionally worked on my feed so that the majority of what I see on there is exactly what I want to see - funny pet videos.

Every now and then, something about starting a new business will sneak its way through and that’s what happened when I found a woman’s post about the animal art she creates. I had never seen her before.

Her post talked about how she had just about given up on Instagram when she decided to try one more post to see if she could get some attention. She said it had felt like she was sending info into the void, with no one responding or even liking her content. I get it. I’ve been there. Sometimes it’s easy to wonder if anyone would miss the content you create if you just stopped.

But as the video was rolling, showing these adorable animal paintings she created, she was explaining that in her last ditch effort to gain followers, she had decided to be honest. She talked about how hard it is to start a business that it seems only you believe in. How difficult it is to continue working on paintings day after day, with very few people buying. She even talked about how close she was to throwing in the towel and going back to a 9 to 5 job with a steady paycheck.

​Ding, ding, ding, ding!

Her post blew up! She had thousands of people who liked it and at least double that many comments. Previously, she had pretended that she was making tons of money and had lots of buyers. It seems her honesty worked. People could understand her when she talked about how hard building a business from scratch, that was far from perfect, can be.

I completely get it.

As I was thinking about her post, I happened to glance around my living room. I noticed the grandkid toys stuffed haphazardly into the bookcase. Sitting right beside me on the couch is a pile of books I rarely get to jump into, but are there because I can’t give up the idea that I might be able to grab ten minutes to read one of these days. We have built-in shelving that is absolutely stuffed with photos of people we love, jammed in at all angles. And finally, there are the dog toys scattered around.

I’m no interior designer, but I know that every day I spend outside of my house, I can’t wait to get back in it. It doesn’t matter to me that it doesn’t look perfect or ready to be photographed for a magazine layout. It’s cozy, comfy, and has some of my favorite people in it.

And one of those favorites happens to be a dog. Her name is Jill. About a year after we got our Mini Australian Shepard named Jack, we decided he needed a friend to hang out with when we couldn’t be there. We didn’t have a lot of money to spend on this friend, so I spent a long time looking.

We finally found a lady with some Mini Aussies that weren’t quite good enough to be purebreds. That was fine with us. When we met the woman and saw her puppies, she pointed Jill out to us. She said she was one of the less expensive puppies because that white ring of fur didn’t quite go all around her neck. She would never be show dog material.

​Seriously!

That’s all I needed to hear. We brought Jill home with us and have loved her ever since.  

In my authentic journey, I have discovered that being imperfectly perfect is much more interesting than any of the well polished and highly filtered photos I see on social media. It’s okay if you have an immaculate home, with an amazing business, and a purebred Aussie to boot. I just happen to think the really good stories and situations come with an extra layer of dust on them.   

Coming Clean

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I’ve had people ask about the amount of money I make from this blog. As is my style, I’m going to be completely authentic with you and give you a dose of the honest truth.

When I began writing it, almost nine months ago, I had visions of what my blog was going to accomplish:

I could see it hitting home for many people who are struggling with our ‘picture-perfect’ world social media has created.

I could see it being shared with tons and tons of people, because they thought others would like to have some honest advice on how to live more authentically.

I could also see that because it was going to be so refreshing and so popular, I was going to get multiple writing clients.

The cold, hard truth is that I have yet to earn a single dime from my blog.

Since starting it, I have worked with a couple of new writing clients, but I don’t think it’s because of the blog; I think they asked me to do writing projects for them because they know me personally.

I would love to be able to say this blog has become my main source of income, but it hasn’t. What it has done is allowed me to tap into my creativity and cemented the idea in my mind that I’m a real writer. Knowing I am faithful to a project I began without any promise of income has allowed my mind to expand into other possibilities. Those possibilities DO offer an income and I hope to be able to tell you more about that in a few months.

Being creative is something I have an actual NEED to do. As I look back at my life, I can now recognize that when I wasn’t writing, I was always doing something else to feed that need.

​Way back when

There was a time when several of my friends would get together each month to scrapbook. Those were great afternoons and evenings, and I am still so proud to look back on the pages I made using my children’s photos. We may or may not have consumed an adult beverage or three, but we were productive and still have those books to look back on.

I also fondly remember a time when I worked in a flower shop. Creating floral designs is challenging. My coworkers and I attended a flower show and I came home feeling like a flower artist. I still can’t help messing with arrangements I receive. Remembering those days, I attended a workshop a couple years ago where I learned to make a holiday porch pot.

I’ve done other things to feed my creativity, too. There was a Christmas long ago when I made wood craft gifts, another where the whole family created ornaments of ourselves out of clay, baked them, and hung them on the tree. They always bring a smile to my face when I unwrap them from their cushy storage and hang them on the tree again. As for my Christmas tree, I love to check out the latest trends and see videos of how people are decorating. I usually take the ideas I love most and create a tree I’m proud of.

Creative = authentic​

I believe that part of the path to greater authenticity is being creative and sharing those talents with others. Recently, there was a sentence in a book I’m reading called Name Not Taken: A Novel, where a character confessed to creating sketches and paintings nobody asked for. I don’t think that’s true. I believe God puts those creative ideas in your head so you’ll share them. Someone is looking for that item, painting, or blog post. They may not know that they’re looking for that certain something until they see it and it nearly knocks them over with a sense that it was made just for them.

I’ve read that no matter what age we live to, we never use every single part of our brains. How sad. We get accustomed to using a certain area, like the analytical part, or the organizing part, or the problem-solving part, and it becomes scary to try something new, like the creative part. To live a more authentic life, I’d like to challenge you to jump into something you’re not necessarily comfortable doing. The idea has already been put into your head; you just need to act on it.  

Newlyweds Galore

*If you’d rather watch or listen (and I highly suggest you watch this one), click here.

Our fridge is currently covered with Save the Date cards. We have couples all around us who are getting married in the near future, including one of our own children and our niece. It’s exciting, and I feel honored to be a witness to the beginning of their married life.  

​This week, for the first time ever, I have a co-author on my Beguin Bits Blog, who shares the same last name - Kirk “Puppy” Beguin!

​Knowing all these weddings are coming up made me think about our own relationship. Together, we’ve been married a total of five times! You might think that means we are the LAST people who should give relationship advice, except that we’re approaching our 20th wedding anniversary and we still really like being together.

​This week’s blog is special, as it’s a time of year when we should be counting our blessings. Together, we’re going to discuss what we believe keeps a relationship happy, even after many years, drawing on our own personal experiences.

Here we go!

​He says: For instance, have a similar hobby, but it’s okay to have separate interests as long as they’re not detrimental to the relationship, like one of you going to the bar each night. I like betting on football games, while she likes reading, but we both really like going to NFL games.

​She says: It’s important to be respectful of your partner, even when you’re beyond angry. We have times when we tell the other one, “I can’t talk to you right now because I’m too mad. I need some time to think about it, and we can talk later.” It saves us from saying something we might regret.

​He says: You should enjoy doing things together like traveling, going out with friends, or maybe having a drink somewhere together. You should enjoy spending time together, rather than going off on your own or with friends all the time, which could cause the other person to get upset.

​She says: It’s easy to get irritated when you feel like you’re the only one doing a certain chore. There are times when one or the other of us will say to the other, as nicely as we can, “Are you ever going to do the dishes again, or has that become just my responsibility?” It makes more sense to think of it as doing that chore so that your partner doesn’t have to, especially when you know they don’t like it much.

​He says: Do something fun together and do it often. We both love the game of golf. We love playing it together, both as a team against others, and even competing against each other when it’s just the two of us. So if you like to golf, find a woman who likes to golf because you get to do it a lot more when she’s coming along with you, rather than fighting it.

​She says: Appreciate your partner as a person with their own distinct tastes and values, no matter how familiar with them you think you are, even after years and years. We’ve been married a long time, but we’re still surprised by each other. The fact that he is thinking about going into construction work as a carpenter, after all the remodeling we’ve done on our own house, amazes me. I recently surprised him by announcing I like Brussels sprouts. Surprise keeps things interesting.

The end goal

​At the end of the day, the biggest, most important thing is that you feel like it’s the two of you against the world and not one against the other. As long as you’re both on the same team and open to new experiences together, like we’re doing now, it becomes a situation where you both win.

​You don't want to feel like your partner isn't the best choice for you; you want to be able to look over at them, smile, and be grateful every single day that this is the person you get to spend your life with.

Trust Issues

*If you’d prefer to watch or listen to this post, click here.

My kids and I had a texting conversation about trust today. We were talking about a trust betrayed and what should happen to the person who took advantage of someone else’s trust. I’m proud to say they understand the value of being someone who’s trustworthy.

​It got me thinking about the different types of trust I’m surrounded by each day. Our pets are a good example. One of our cats is easily spooked, and it’s taken a long time for Frank to feel comfortable coming into the house since they live outside in a toasty dog house. But this morning, when I went out to feed the animals, Frank trusted enough to come inside.

We have a couple of dogs too, and it’s clear they trust us. They know we’re here to take care of their every need, and we just ask that they let us snuggle them a few times each day.

I thought about the trust of a grandchild. How do they know you’re not going to hurt them? When that little girl reaches up to take my hand, my heart melts, and there’s nothing I wouldn’t do to keep her safe. But I’ve never told any of my grandchildren these things. And yet they know.

There are co-workers, neighbors, friends, and family members with whom we build trust. Really, every single person we come into regular contact with, we build a sense of trust. Or we don’t, and we do all we can to avoid interacting with those people.

​There’s one more person

But what about you? Have you established trust in yourself? It can be a difficult process, but one that I think is vital if you’re going to listen and follow your authentic voice. At some point, you’re going to have to decide that those ideas that pop into your head are valid and you should trust that you need to act on them.  

Referring back to my Simple Abundance book, I read an entry recently that quoted Oprah saying, “When you pay attention to what feeds your energy, you move in the direction of the life for which you were intended. Trust (there’s that word again) that the Universe has a bigger, wider, deeper dream for you than you could ever imagine for yourself.”

Just thinking about that brings a smile to my face, because I know the dream I’ve come up with for myself. If it’s bigger than that, I can’t even imagine the possibilities!

But to get there, you have to let go of your ego. Your ego is going to tell you that people will laugh at you, they’ll question your sanity, and they’ll wonder what was so wrong with your life before that you had to go and make everyone around you question their own lives because you’re reaching for dreams they didn’t even know you had.

It’s okay. Let them question you.

Simple Abundance also has this advice. “The next time you’re physically sick at the thought of leaving your comfort zone, calmly reassure your conscious self that the feeling of fear is passing through you and will dissipate if you keep on moving forward.”

A glance at my daily You Are a Badass calendar also reminds me that in order to achieve the life we want, we have to envision it first. Our brains can’t tell what’s real and what is imagined. So if I pretend I just got back from a book signing enough times, my brain is going to think that’s just a normal everyday activity, and it’s how we live, and it’s much more likely I’ll be able to make it a reality.

But above all, I have to trust and I have to believe in myself. And while I know I STILL can’t trust myself around certain types of chocolate, I have found the trust in myself to tackle certain dreams that have been sent to me. I hope you have too.

What, me worry?

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When my children were little, we had a favorite book called Wemberly Worried. We read it so many times that I can still recite a lot of it by heart. The gist of the story is that Wemberly, a cute, well-dressed little mouse, was a natural worrier, but as the day approached for her to attend kindergarten, her worrying took on monumental proportions.

​Throughout the years, my kids and I have often referred to that book or secretly agreed that someone was a “Wemberly.” Recently, though, I have felt myself drifting into Wemberly territory, and today’s post is an attempt to remind myself and hopefully others who need it, that worry is a useless emotion.

The phrase “worried sick” is real. You can absolutely worry yourself into sickness. For this reason alone, you shouldn’t let yourself become a worrier, but I recognize that there are times when it’s tough to get on top of the realistic ‘what ifs’ floating around inside your head.

I’ll give you an example. For the last three months, I’ve been doing my best to ignore pain in my right knee. I’m a person who deals with stress by working out, and I’m a firm believer that if a person were to do some kind of jumping every other day - star jumps, box jumps, jumping rope, hopscotch, or burpees - we could keep our bodies healthy way into our advanced years. (That’s an entire other blog post and one I can’t actually back with any scientific proof.) But because of my knee, I haven’t been able to work out or even take my dogs on their daily walk for longer than I’d like to admit.

When I decided that the pain wasn’t going away, I began the work of getting it fixed. I saw my doctor, had an X-ray, then an MRI, saw a specialist, and eventually had a knee scope scheduled. I also worried. I’m squeamish about bones, ligaments, veins, and needles.

​It’s never just one thing, right?

In the midst of all this, my husband is preparing to retire. While it sounds like the one thing every single person wants to do, the reality of it is quite different. There’s worry that you haven’t registered correctly for Medicare. There’s worry about what you’ll do with your life now that you’re no longer reporting to the same job you’ve had for the last 45 years. And of course, there’s worry that there are only so many regularly scheduled paychecks left.

I’m not a natural worrier. I generally take life one single day at a time, and as my mother has often said, there’s nobody else who can make $5 last longer than I can, and I proved it again and again during my college years.

But the day of my scheduled surgery, I was faced with yet another worry. As I was being checked in, the lady helping me let me know that my health insurance hadn’t yet approved my knee scope. There I was, an hour away from getting my knee fixed, and she was explaining to me that if insurance didn’t come through, I would be responsible for around $20,000 just to pay for the surgical center fee.

Everything hit me at once.

Thankfully, not being used to worrying came in handy. In a moment when it seemed like every little thing was rushing at me with nothing but negative consequences, I took a deep breath and realized a few things.

​Deep breaths…

In every situation that was causing me to worry, I had very little control. I couldn’t control the surgeon’s hands as he worked on my knee. I can’t control the fact that our lives might look completely different very soon. I have zero control over what my insurance decides to cover.

But I did have control over whether or not I decided to have surgery. I couldn’t see a way to continue my daily life without it, so I signed the document saying I would pay the $20,000 if it came down to that. The woman made sure to ask me nicely twice more if I was okay with it. No, absolutely I was not, but I knew that if I had to, I could make payments until it was all taken care of. I couldn’t continue on with more and more pain every day.

It was a great reminder that we all get to choose. Are we going to spend every day heaping one worry on top of another? Or are we going to focus on those things we have control of? There are too many situations in our lives where we could get buried in worry. For myself, I prefer to remain optimistic.

While I haven’t been brave enough to check in with my insurance yet, at not quite a full week, my knee already feels better than it did before the scope. I’m also happy to report that my husband has had several offers from people who would like to partner with him after he retires. The beauty of that is that he’s going to get to choose when and if he works, and what every single day is going to look like. With a little optimism and a whole lot of prayer, choice is going to continue keeping my Wemberly side locked deep within.

The Things We Leave Behind

*If you’d like to watch or listen to this entry, click here.

Have you ever heard or seen something and instinctively known it was meant for you? Had one of those moments when it seems like time slows down and you’re looking at something or picturing whatever it is in your mind, flashing at you with neon lights? I had one of those moments this week.

​I was listening to my latest audiobook (Atmosphere by Taylor Jenkins Reid - it’s so good!) when one of the characters said to another, “I don’t want that to be my legacy.”

​That sentence stopped me in my tracks. I had to stop the audio and just think about it for a bit.

​We are all aware that any random day could be our last, right? So, I have to ask, if today were your last day, what is the legacy you’re leaving behind?

Some background

​The definition of legacy I’m talking about is this - the long-lasting impact of particular events, actions, etc. that took place in the past, or of a person’s life.

​I’d love to say that I was the best daughter, sister, friend, wife, mom, stepmom, aunt, and grandma I could be, and I really do try to be, but I know that’s most likely not my legacy. I’d also like to be able to say I wrote life-changing books that helped or entertained millions of people, but that’s still in the works.

​After attending a recent bridal shower for one of my former students, my legacy clinched into place. If today were my last day here, I can confidently say I would be remembered for Circle Time.  

​I’ve talked about Circle Time before, but people keep bringing it up, and it falls under the category of being surrounded by neon flashing lights, so I’m pretty sure this is my legacy.

​Circle Time came about during the last two or three years of my teaching career. A speaker came to talk to the teachers during an in-service day. She mentioned that often the one element missing from school was that we weren’t taking care of the students’ mental health. There were too many stories about kids dying by suicide and teachers, parents, and family members having zero idea that the person had been struggling.

​She had us do a mental check-in activity where we gathered in a circle, sitting on the floor. She asked us how we were doing and we were told to give a thumbs up, thumbs down, or thumb in the middle if we were just okay. We then went around the circle and explained to each other why we were happy, sad, or okay.

​For whatever reason, I decided to run with this idea. I knew my kids would think it was cheesy, so I ran with that too, reminding them of how much they had loved having Circle Time in Kindergarten.

​Originally, I tried to sell it to them as Tribal Council because we were playing a year-long Survivor game. But my kids loved the idea of calling it Circle Time. They also loved that they were getting out of “classwork” by doing it. So it began.

​Little did they know that by the time they graduated, almost every kid needed Circle Time. We shared personal struggles, we laughed with each other, and we cried together. They may not have had to do “work” during Circle Time, but they were doing the work of becoming kind, caring human beings, and it was amazing to watch the transformation.  

Back to the present

​So at the bridal shower I recently attended, when we introduced ourselves and I said I had been the bride’s English teacher, and her mom talked about how her daughter still cries out that she needs Circle Time, I was so proud to hear it.

​We all have the opportunity every single day to leave behind a better legacy than the one we’re leaving right now. You have numerous interactions with others where you could be kinder, more understanding, or even a better listener. There’s plenty of room for all of us to improve in this category.

​If you're nervous that the legacy you're leaving behind is less than stellar, and you're alive to read/listen/watch this, you still have time!

​If Circle Time is the legacy I’m leaving behind, and it means that I helped some kids feel seen and heard so much that they’re still talking about it several years later, I’m happy with that. 

Comparison Shopping

If you’d rather watch or listen to this read by the author, click here.

Which of you reading this can admit to using social media to compare yourselves to others?  I’ve often thought of how carefree the space in my brain would be if I weren’t using part of it to decipher all that I see on social media.

​I know, you’re on social media to keep up with local events, right? Honestly, I don’t know how people who aren’t on it stay up-to-date with local soup & pie suppers, fundraisers, engagements, births, and weddings. It seems like every business and church I know has its own Facebook page, and depending on the age of my friends, they’re either also on Facebook, Instagram, and/or TikTok.

​In the midst of all that social media usage (searching for news, I’m sure), we also get to see the beautiful side of our friends and often frienemies. I mean, why wouldn’t you ask everyone you know to be your friend so that you can keep up with absolutely everything they have going on?

There are those people, and you know who they are, that send you friend requests specifically because they want the inside scoop on your life.  

Let’s get real

​But sometimes, that person doing the snooping is us. We can also get so caught up in what so-and-so is doing, or accomplishing, or must be earning to be able to vacation as often as they do, that we don’t recognize the emotion for what it actually is - envy.

​Yes, I’m talking about adults. I don’t think jealousy is an emotion we grow out of.

​But, after reading a passage in my Simple Abundance book, I think we can recognize it, admit it (at least to ourselves), and learn from it.

​The quote from my book is from Glennon Doyle, an American author, activist, and philanthropist. She says, “We’re only envious of those already doing what we were made to do. Envy is a giant, flashing arrow pointing us towards our destiny.”

​Sometimes envy comes in the form of comparison. This is often a game where we end up on the losing end.

I’ll admit it

​In the past year, I’ve read several books by an author I think is amazing. I’ve found her on Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok, where she talks about the books she’s published and the ones she’s currently working on. I signed up for her newsletter.

​I’m jealous of the life she presents on social media. I want to be the one with that many published books.

​Through her newsletter, I learned that she runs a new author boot camp and decided I might sign up after asking her a couple questions in an email. To my surprise, she emailed me back! Then, after I mentioned a blog post I had written, she COMMENTED on my blog!! I was blown away.

​Now, as a member of her boot camp group, we meet on Zoom calls once a week. Sometimes she’s on the calls looking professional and polished, but mostly she shows up just as she is - post workout, post dog walk, whatever, much like me and the other members of the camp.

​Not only is she handing out great advice, she’s open to calls and emails from all of us. She’s nothing like I pictured from her social media accounts. She’s actually pretty amazing, and I’m excited to be learning the craft of writing and publishing books from her.

​That passage from my Simple Abundance book wraps up with this:

The next time you’re tempted to compare your life to another’s, pause for a moment. Remind yourself, over and over, that there is no competition on the spiritual plane. The blessings your nemesis has received also can be yours as soon as you are really ready to receive with an open heart all the good fortune created just for you.

​And when will that be? As soon as you can bless the person you secretly curse; as soon as you can give thanks for their happiness and success as much as your own because it demonstrates the abundance of real life.

​Excellent food for thought.

The Search

*If you’d rather watch or listen to this, click here.

I sat through a presentation this week that really helped me to understand why the idea of being as authentic as we can be is so important. When I first started writing this blog, I thought maybe there were a few people who also liked the thought of finding their authentic voice. But now, as I look at the number of people visiting my blog and watching the videos of me reading it, I think there are hundreds of people - in just the ones I personally know - who are trying to figure out their purpose in life.

​Actually, that number is creeping up toward one thousand. Crazy! It’s almost like I’ve hit a nerve or something.

​The presentation I saw talked about how there’s an interest in spirituality at work. By spirituality, he was talking about Google’s definition: a broad concept involving the search for meaning and purpose in life, often including a sense of connection to something greater than oneself - be it a higher power, nature, others, or one’s inner self. It is often an individual practice, separate from organized religion, that focuses on deep beliefs, values, and a transcendent dimension of existence.

​The speaker talked about how there’s a growing social consciousness in which we are all looking for something more, like a path or a map to our lives.

​We want to feel like what we do makes a difference. We want to leave our mark on the world.

​Sound familiar?

​The speaker mentioned that most people are neither fulfilled nor excited. They’re frustrated.

​I get it.

I remember

​I can give you an example. I’m a rule follower. But when the rules make no sense to me, I tend to toss them aside. As a teacher, I loved 99.5% of the kids I taught, and that’s what kept me going to work. But some of the rules teachers are asked to follow are absolutely ridiculous.

​“There’s to be no food in the classrooms.” I had to ask why. The only answer I ever got was that it would make a mess. Okay, I figured, if I can find some food that doesn’t make a mess, it’s probably okay to offer that to my kids. There’s nothing more embarrassing than having your stomach growl while sitting elbow-to-elbow with other teens. Not exactly conducive to learning.

​I always tried to have a jumbo bag of almonds in my desk. Kids knew that if they used their manners, asking me with a please and offering a thank you, I would give them a handful. The kids didn’t make a mess with them either, because they were hungry and they didn’t want me to get in trouble for giving them food.

Back to the topic

​During the presentation I was watching, it talked about three levels of meaningfulness at work. Your work can be thought of as a job, a career, or a calling.

​I’m just going out on a limb here, but I think if there are so many frustrated people around, most people are probably sitting in a job. But even in a job, we can do something called job crafting.

The example the speaker gave was of a man who worked at a Walmart in South Dakota. Customers would wait in line for him to check them out, even when there were other checkers open. The man would ring up their purchases and then come around the check-out stand to hand them their receipt, shake their hand, and say something nice to them. He gave people a personal connection. It was also mentioned that when he passed away, there was a sentence in his obituary that said, “no one was a stranger in his life.”  

​How cool that he took a job that almost any of us could do and elevated it into something so much greater.

​A favorite story of mine was also mentioned in the presentation. I’m sure you’ve heard it, but it bears repeating over and over. A man came upon a child walking along the beach. The child was picking up starfish that had washed ashore and gently tossing them back into the water. The man looked at the child in confusion and said, “Kid, what are you doing?”

​The child answered, “Throwing starfish back into the ocean. If I don’t, they’ll die.”

​The man said, “But there are miles and miles of beach, you can’t make a difference!”

​The child smiled up at the man as he tossed another one into the ocean and said, “I made a difference to that one!”

​To me, THAT story is the epitome of what following your authentic voice can do. You may never ever know the mark you’ve left on the world, but if you know what you’re doing is right, and you’re mindful of other people, deep down in your soul, that’s all that really matters.  

A Reflection

*You can watch or listen to this post here.

I wrote last week about feeling like I’m constantly running, and I’ve had time to reflect upon that. The things that have been keeping me busy are 70% things I feel like I should do, 20% things I need to do to feel sane, and 10% things I want to do.

​The things I feel like I should do include projects that bring in money, keep my husband and I alive and fit for society, like cooking and showering, and showing up for different things I’m involved in.

​The things I need to do to feel sane include vacuuming my house, putting things away in the right places, and spending quality time with my husband, family, and pets.

​But the number that is lowest is the things I want to do. I want to read the eight books I’ve started. I want to watch the five series that my husband and I have begun. I want to schedule more time to hang out with my friends. And I want to find more time to pursue some writing projects that I feel have future promise.

​Notice that in all of that time, there’s never a place for spending time on my phone, and yet I do.

​It’s interesting to me that when I have ten minutes before I have to get ready or rush off to someplace, instead of grabbing a book sitting right next to me, I reach for my phone.

​Creating a business from scratch means I need to spend some time on social media, promoting the things I’m involved with. But the catch is that I’m a blogger who writes about living a more authentic life, and spending time on my phone seems to be in opposition to living authentically. It’s those moments when I’m by myself, truly listening to my own thoughts, or those thoughts that are spiritually sent to me as guidance, when I feel I gain direction toward my authentic self.

Say what?

​Think of it this way - when you’re on your phone, you’re in the middle of lots of different voices. If you’re spending time on social media, you might be busy watching short videos that have been known to decrease your attention span. We need attention spans to be able to grow and follow our authentic voices.

​Or you’re checking out what your friends are involved in, whether that’s high school sports, or babies taking their first steps, or people running their own businesses. But you’re at arm’s length, literally.

More to think about

​Some of the conversations I’ve been included in this week also have me thinking about my phone. One friend told me she’s on a social media detox, so she’s rarely on any apps right now. Sounds heavenly! Another conversation had us all wondering if maybe the reason we don’t see more people applying for the numerous jobs available is because of the dependency we all have on our phones. A final conversation revolved around the fact that you just don’t find young people in churches anymore.

​Could it be that some of the conveniences we use every day have been created as a way of distancing ourselves from other people? We use debit cards to pay, so there’s rarely a reason for someone to count back our change. ATMs? Fast food ordering kiosks? Self check-outs? Have our phones, which are supposed to keep us up-to-date and in the know, created a world where we’re more comfortable not interacting face-to-face?

​I guarantee most young people prefer the safety of hiding behind a screen. As the older generations become more comfortable with all the things we do that keep us at an arm’s length, how many opportunities for connection are we losing?  

​Obviously, I’m still on my phone plenty. But I often wonder if we wouldn’t be better off without these little devices demanding our attention.

​It seems fitting to end this with a quote from the book The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt. Marcus Aurelius, the last of the Five Good Emperors of Rome, in the second century CE, wrote this advice to himself, and I would argue it’s still valid today:

​Don’t waste the rest of your time here worrying about other people - unless it affects the common good. It will keep you from doing anything useful. You’ll be too preoccupied with what so-and-so is doing, and why, and what they’re saying, and what they’re thinking, and what they’re up to, and all the other things that throw you off and keep you from focusing on your own mind.

​Easier said than done, right?

The Winners Take Naps

*You can watch or listen to this post here.

I’ve noticed something about myself lately, and I don’t like it. From the minute my feet hit the floor in the morning until the moment I let my feet glide under the covers of my bed, I feel like I’m running.

​I rush to beat the clock in the morning, mostly because I straight up refuse to get up during the 5 am hour. (I was not made for being up early in the morning, and I’m okay with that.) I throw breakfast back so fast, it’s rare that I actually remember what it tasted like. When I drive, I have to set my cruise control, or you can bet I’m going to have an encounter with a cop.

​My days continue in this can’t-get-there-fast-enough manner. I’m rushing to get interviews scheduled, calls made, articles written, track down the next client.

​When my work day is done, an unending list of household chores runs through my brain on repeat.

​Vacuum the house.

Make supper.

Water the plants.

Do the dogs have enough water?

You’ve got time - throw a load of laundry in.

Wait, there’s still laundry to fold from last week?

​I don’t want to be this busy. I want life to slow down. How are we already a full week into October??

​Stop me if this sounds familiar

I know of a woman - I’m sure we all have this person in our lives - who loves to talk about how busy she is. She’ll rattle off all the different things she’s been doing or working on during her day, while I stand there smiling politely, secretly counting how many of my own things are not getting done.

But guess what?

​There’s no prize for the person who is busiest. There’s no trophy for the person who did the most things in a day. There’s no reward for those who can’t say no.

​The winner of this life goes to the person who learns how to scale back - their time given to projects their heart isn’t in, their money squandered on app after app to be able to watch all the series, even though there’s not time enough in a person’s lifetime, and their energy drained on events that mean nothing.  

​The winners take the time to go out for lunch with their friends. They know how to take naps,  how to take long walks, and that they should absolutely never ever walk by a friendly dog without stopping to pet them.

​They look around and appreciate the views. Right now, we have colors surrounding us in great bursts. Have you stopped to look? I have only had time for short glimpses, but that’s going to change.

​Always back to this

My Simple Abundance book has the answer, as always…

“When we succumb to workaholism, what’s really happening is that we’ve lost faith in Spirit’s willingness to help us achieve success. We’ve separated the secular from the spiritual. Asking for Grace doesn’t seem as practical as working round the clock.

​When was the last time Spirit accompanied you to work?

​When was the last time you asked It to?”

​Here’s to a week of looking around, sitting in silence (just for a bit), and taking note of the many blessings we take for granted on a daily basis.

That Which Won’t Be Mentioned

(You can watch or listen to this post here.)

This is a heavy, sad week.

​Three people I know passed away this week, and my heart is a bit beat up.

​One person was a golfing acquaintance. He had a giant smile and gave a hearty greeting. Although I only saw him at golf tournaments, I was always happy to see him. He was a kind, kind man.

​Golfers don’t always know that much about the personal lives of other golfers, but we know that they’re out there trying to improve themselves, just like we are. There’s an unspoken bond, much like there must be in other sports. When we arrive at a tournament, there are certain people we hope and expect to see, and it will hit me again when he’s not there. But, lucky for him, he passed away quietly in his sleep.

​The next person was my former neighbor. As I was growing up, I was often a bit nervous around him. He was quiet and seemed so intimidating to me. I felt the same way when I hired him as an attorney.

​But several years ago, I was finally able to recognize that he wasn’t being quiet to scare anyone; he was just observing. He had a great sense of humor and enjoyed laughing. He had a snickering chuckle, but when he thought something was really funny, he’d throw back his head and laugh loudly.

​I grew up with his kids, playing in their yard until dark. Later, I would work with his wife in a cramped hospital office, helping her with public relations duties.

​My former neighbor had a tumor and passed away about three months after discovering it.

​The final person was a young man whom I had the pleasure of teaching. I remember him as being a little goofy. I liked him. He almost always had a smile on his face when walking into my classroom. As is the case with all of my students, he became one of my “kids,” and I enjoyed watching him grow up after high school through social media posts. When he got together with another of my former students, I cheered them on with multiple thumbs up and heart symbols.

​The couple has three young children who may not remember their daddy as they get older. He died by suicide.

Let’s get real

​I don’t know what was going on with him before he died. I don’t know if he was high or drunk or sad. But I do know what being depressed feels like, and I also know the fear of being judged because you’re struggling.

​Why is this still a thing? Seems like we can talk about anything except money and the way we’re truly feeling if it’s anything but happy. So I’m talking about it.

​When my children were young, I became depressed for a number of reasons. All I wanted to do was sleep, and I recognize that now as a pretty positive sign of depression. But I had two beautiful little kids who thought the sun rose and set on me, so ending my life didn’t enter my mind.

​I also had a doctor who I felt I could talk to and I hoped, would send me in the right direction to get help. She wrote me a prescription for antidepressants. By the way, this is also something we still don’t talk about, which is crazy. If a pill can legally pick you up so that you have the energy to get through the day, what’s the big deal?

​I took the pills for about a year, and they made all the difference. I was able to be a decent parent and get on with my life. I don’t know what would’ve happened if I hadn’t gotten that prescription.

​Later on in my life, after my husband had an aortic aneurysm and had to stay in the hospital for almost a month longer than expected, I became depressed. There were days during that time when I didn’t think he would ever actually walk through our door again. I couldn’t shake that feeling, even when I knew he was going to be okay. I ended up back on antidepressants, but this time it was just for a few months. Again, it made all the difference.

​This is not the first of my former students to die by suicide. Each time I hear of this happening, I wish I had stayed in closer contact with them. The social media view is generally pretty rosy and not at all the real story.

​I have to wonder if he felt he didn’t have any options. He was a nice guy, and I can’t believe that he would choose to leave his children, unless he couldn’t see any other way out.

Please text!

​I wish he had felt like he could’ve texted me. I hope and pray all my former students know that I’m only a text message away.

​I’m praying that God wraps his arms around those people closest to the three who passed away. I know a man from the Northern Cheyenne Indian tribe who refers to death as “traveling on.” I like that. I hope that these guys are traveling on down a peaceful, pain-free road and keeping close watch over their families.

​I also hope that the world realizes that it’s time to have real conversations about mental health and bring depression and remedies for it out of the closet. 

Authentic Success

Last week, a good friend of mine asked how she would ever know if she was following her own authentic voice. I’ve thought about this off and on for about a week, wondering about why I’m so confident that I’m following my own authenticity.

I think the key for me is in looking back. I can look back to when my 5th grade teacher let my friends and I act out a play during the school day that I had written. I was so proud! That was the beginning of writing being tied to feeling good about something that came easily to me and something I enjoyed doing. Writing wasn’t work for me.

As I continued through school, college, and even my master’s degree, writing was never the chore it seemed to be for others. Later, I went to a writer’s conference where my dad lived and I clearly remember him asking me about it at the end of the day. I told him being there had felt like I was home. Which is weird because I was in a huge city, in a huge building, surrounded by tons of people I didn’t know. 

All of these experiences led to a dream of mine - making a living with my writing skills. Now that I recognize and have achieved that, I can redefine it to becoming wealthy while making a living with my writing skills.  

I think the bottom line is that authenticity is going to be different for every single person. I know when I picture myself down the road achieving my current goal, I get choked up. When I hear, read, or am told things about what is certainly (now) possible for me, I feel all the emotions. That level of feeling has never been there in any other capacity. 

As is generally the case when I’m looking for answers to questions, the universe provides. I hadn’t really found anything that satisfied me in terms of my friend’s question, until just a few minutes before I sat down to type this out. 

My copy of Simple Abundance by Sarah Ban Breathnach provided what I needed in today’s entry. 

Sarah’s words:

September 24

Authentic Success

Authentic success is different for each of us. No single definition fits all, because we come in all sizes. One autumn afternoon years ago, while wandering through an abandoned cemetery, I discovered a wonderful definition of authentic success inscribed on the headstone of a woman who had died in 1820: “The only pain she ever caused was when she left us.”

Authentic success is having time enough to pursue personal pursuits that bring you pleasure, time enough to make the loving gestures for your family you long to, time enough to care for your home, tend your garden, nurture your soul. Authentic success is never having to tell yourself or those you love, “maybe next year.” Authentic success is knowing that if today were your last day on earth, you could leave without regret. Authentic success is feeling focused and serene when you work, not fragmented. It’s knowing that you’ve done the best that you possibly could, no matter what circumstances you faced; it’s knowing in your soul that the best you can do is all you can do, and that the best you can do is always enough. 

Authentic success is accepting your limitations, making peace with your past, and reveling in your passions so that your future may unfold according to a Divine Plan. It’s discovering and calling forth your gifts and offering them to the world to help heal its ravaged heart. It’s making a difference in other lives and believing that if you can do that for just one person each day, through a smile, a shared laugh, a caress, a kind word, or a helping hand, blessed are you among women. 

Authentic success is not just money in the bank but a contented heart and peace of mind. It’s earning what you feel you deserve for the work you do and knowing that you’re worth it. Authentic success is not about accumulating but letting go, because all you have is all you truly need. 

Authentic success is feeling good about who you are, appreciating where you’ve been, celebrating your achievements, and honoring the distance you’ve aready come. Authentic success is reaching the point where being is as important as doing. It’s the steady pursuit of a dream. It’s realizing that no matter how much time it takes for a dream to come true in the physical world, no day is ever wasted. It’s valuing inner, as well as outer, labor - both your own and others’. It’s elevating labor to a craft and craft to an art by bestowing Love on every task you undertake. 

Authentic success is knowing how simply abundant your life is exactly as it is today. Authentic success is being so grateful for the many blessings bestowed on you and yours that you can share your portion with others. 

Authentic success is living each day with a heart overflowing with gratitude. 

Back to me

THAT is the best definition of an authentic life I’ve ever read. 

And yes, my friend is certainly an outstanding example of being an authentic success.

What do you intend to do?

Do you do anything intentionally, as opposed to just floating through daily life? Is there any certain thing you set time aside for every single week because you WANT to accomplish it?

​Being intentional about anything seems difficult. It means that you must plan a time for it, keep people from running over the top of that time with other activities, and then, of course, you actually have to show up and do the thing you planned to do in the first place.

​To be honest, it seems much easier to just spend any little free time I have surfing around on my phone.

​This is life now.

​I remember that during the last few years of my teaching career, it finally hit home to me that I was a role model to high school kids. Not that I ever wanted to be. Even when I didn’t think they were paying attention to me, they were. I decided to deliberately do things that I wanted them to do. If there was a piece of trash on the floor, I picked it up and threw it away. If a book were across the room instead of on the shelf, I would pick it up and take it back to where it belonged.

​When I noticed them repeating my actions, I made a big deal out of it.

​Did it make a difference? I’m not sure. Maybe it didn’t change the way they did things, but it did change things for me. Just this week, I happened to see some piece of trash on the floor. Before making a decision about what I was going to do with it, the thought - who are you when nobody is watching - went through my head. And I picked it up.

By the way

​This seems like a good time to let you know that I am far from perfect, hence the reason I never wanted to be a role model to high school kids. But intentional? Yes. I am intentional, and I hope that is a word that comes to mind when people think about me.  

​The idea of scrolling on my phone at the end of each day seems lazy, especially when I want to…

​Write a book

Finish painting the inside and outside of my house

Meet a friend for lunch (seems so easy, right?)

Finish the articles I need to write

Fold the laundry

Create some videos for a local group

Meal plan

Do my bookkeeping

Find better insurance

Work out

Read one of the ten books I’m currently reading

​I WANT to do all these things, but I know that if I don’t break them down into smaller pieces, I’ll never even approach them.

​To be as intentional as possible, I have to pencil things out in my planner. When the end of the day hits, and it would be super easy to just sit on my couch and scroll, this is when I need to look at my planner and challenge myself to accomplish one thing. Who doesn’t love a little challenge?

​Maybe I can set a timer and work on my bookkeeping for 15 minutes. Perhaps I could find photos on my phone that I’ll use in the videos. Maybe I’ll read one chapter in one of the books. Whatever it is, I know it’s moving me forward toward one of my goals.

​It’s important for me to be known as someone who is intentional. When I say I’m going to do something, I plan to do it, and I like that people can bank on that fact.

Not to veer off course, but…

​Did you know our attention spans have shortened to right around 8 seconds? I did a Google search and found that answer, according to several sources. The average attention span of a goldfish is 9 seconds. Oh, Lord!

​But there are people who exceed that 8 seconds on a regular basis - musicians, athletes, highly educated individuals, bookworms, artists, scientists, nature lovers, gamers, deep thinkers, and meditators. The meditators have an increased attention span of up to 20 minutes, as reported on Sedona Sky Academy’s website, sedonasky.org.

​Meditators are also more tuned into their authentic voice. The very act of meditating is listening to what is going on inside your head. It’s been known to relax the body and allow important information to cut through all the noise.

​As my daily You are a BADASS calendar says, “If you want to be a real rock star in the manifestation department, get to the point where you have both unwavering faith and unwavering gratitude for that which you desire. This is when the real magic happens because mixing faith with gratitude is the High Holy Moly of Manifesting.”

​Faith, as I’ve talked about here, and gratitude, as I’ve talked about here, seem to be the recipe for moving forward on the authenticity scale. Once you know where you’d like to end up, breaking down your intentions into smaller, bite-sized pieces and walking away from the little screen controlling your every move might just triple your steps on the path to being your truly authentic self. 

Your Intuition Wants to Help

One of the things I think people struggle with when following their own authentic path, or at least I have, is learning to trust their intuition.

​When you’re ready to begin listening to your authentic self, tuning into the voice that gets louder with each meditation/introspection/moment alone, you’ll notice you begin listening to your intuition more, too.

​Or at least, that’s been my experience.

​You may already be listening to your intuition with no problem. But it’s been a learning experience for me.

There are no coincidences

​In the past, I know I’ve excused certain coincidences, no matter how often they jumped up in front of me. Now I find myself much more aware and open to recurring messages.  

​There are weeks when I’m carrying around a particular thought, and it keeps coming up, and I know that’s what I need to write about in this blog. To anyone not looking for a weekly blog topic like me, more than one occurrence should open your eyes to something you should be paying attention to.

​Then there are other times, like today, when Wednesday rolls around and I still haven’t a clue. But if I spend time listening to what’s going on in my head, I find the topic easily.

​Today, for instance, as always, interesting thoughts come to me when I’m in the shower. It generally happens when I don’t have music playing, I’m just paying attention to my own thoughts, and am away from my screens.

​I stayed up late last night because I really wanted to finish the book I was reading. It was a doozy! The author, A. R. Torre, has become one of my favorites. She writes books that usually have a twist I never expect.

​The one I just read, called The Last Party, made me so angry that I thought about throwing it against the wall and walking away several times. The only thing that kept me reading was the fact that I enjoyed a couple of her other books so much, I didn’t think she was going to lead me astray.

Yep, I’m a nerd

​Sidenote: One thing I always do with the books I finish is read through the acknowledgements. Hers were at the end of the book, and she flat out said, “To my readers, thank you for sticking with this roller coaster of a story. It was dark, one of my darkest yet, and I appreciate you trusting me with your time…” So she apparently knew there might be people who wouldn’t make it that far. That made me chuckle.

​There was a character in this one who was blindsided by another character. For me, the reader, I kept finding myself talking to this idiot - DUDE! What about this, this, and THIS?? Of course, he kept missing clearly obvious red flags, and I would have to walk away for a bit before my blood pressure skyrocketed to the point of no return.

It made me think about how many of us do the same thing with loved ones. How often are we duped because we care so much about that person that we completely overlook the screamingly obvious flaws?

​I ran into a friend today who I hadn’t seen in a long time. The last I knew, she had just gotten married and was living the dream. Talking to her today, it was clear that she was beating herself up for trusting someone she shouldn’t have. Someone had cashed in on the trust she offered them on a silver platter.

​One of the things she said to me was, “I guess I knew enough to not do THAT.” I pointed out that her intuition must have been second-guessing things. She agreed. Now she’s made some changes and will keep herself guarded and protected for a bit.

​When I returned home, my daily calendar also had a message about intuition. Trusting your intuition regardless of what anyone else thinks and doing what it says is about as authentic - and self-loving - as it gets. That’s the shower message, the friend message, and the calendar message. Boom - there’s my blog topic. God, or the Universe, usually has your back if you pay attention.

​Listening to your authentic voice might help you to listen more clearly to your intuition. Those arguments you keep hearing in your mind aren’t just your Negative Nelly trying to mess with you. It’s your intuition second-guessing your choices, and that’s a good thing.

‘Bout to Get Uncomfortable

*If you’d like to watch or listen to this blog, click here.

When my husband and I first began our relationship and marriage, we talked every now and then about God. We were both believers, but I never felt as if his faith was very strong. He said all the right things, but I wasn’t completely convinced.

I can certainly identify with wavering faith. There have been times in my life when I wasn’t sure God existed, and if He did, why wasn’t he doing the things I was praying for him to do?

Sarah Ban Breathnach says in her book, Simple Abundance, “Want to make God laugh? Tell Him YOUR plans.”

I don’t remember when or what happened for me to decide that God was real. I do know that ever since my husband’s Ascending Aortic Aneurysm, neither of us questions much anymore, including each other’s faith.

Once he made it through that initial surgery, which you can read about here, we were so excited that he’d be going home in just a few days. Then we realized that his insides hadn’t woken up with the rest of him, and it became almost four more weeks of an extended hospital stay while the medical staff worked to figure out what was wrong.

It was great news that he got to move out of the ICU and into the cardiac care rooms. But things happened there that almost had me convinced he wouldn’t be coming home ever.

He developed a cough that he couldn’t shake. As a patient who had recently been split open eight inches down his chest, he was given a pillow that volunteers made specifically for heart patients to hug when they cough. He used it frequently.

One day, as I was sitting in his room visiting with him, he began to cough. He squeezed the little pillow to his chest and coughed and coughed until he passed out! Then his body began shaking like he was having a seizure. I quickly ran into the hall and hollered for a nurse, who just sat there looking at me. I yelled, “He’s having a seizure!” She quickly followed me to his room, and his body was already shaking less than before.

This happened frequently enough that the staff began keeping closer tabs on him. But the coughing just got worse.

I remember so many of my conversations with God at that time, where I was absolutely incredulous that He would bring him through his Triple A, only for him to die because of a cough.

​Time to come clean

I don’t think I had admitted to anyone yet that I was beginning to think he’d never come home when our oldest daughter called me. I was driving home from visiting him, and she told me that her brother had been talking to his dad on the phone when he started coughing, saying things that didn’t make sense, and then it sounded like he had dropped the phone.

I started crying, which caused her to cry, and I admitted that I didn’t think he was going to make it through this cough, combined with whatever was going on with his insides not waking up. We agreed to pray and pray.

Eventually, his cough got better, thankfully. But not before it had gotten much worse.

​The important part

He told me about a time when I hadn’t been at the hospital, and he must’ve started to cough and passed out. He said he felt his body rising up off the bed, and everything around him was blindingly white. Then it was like the sky started to clear, and it was a beautiful blue.

He turned and looked down, and realizing how high up he was, he started flailing his arms around, but felt God - and he instinctively knew it was God - pinning his arms to his sides to keep him from struggling. He calmed and was gently lowered back down to the bed. He also knew that his body was being worked on while he was experiencing this. After this experience, his cough got better.

Later, he came home and one day saw our minister eating lunch in the city park. He joined him, and at one point, he admitted what had happened because of his cough. Our minister asked if he would be willing to give his testimony during a church service, but my husband told him he didn’t think he would be comfortable doing that.

A few weeks after that conversation, he began waking up at the same time each night. Every single time he woke up, he was thinking about the offer to tell his story in church.

He finally admitted to me that he didn’t think God was going to let him sleep through the night again until he agreed to speak and talk about his experience.

As scared as he was to get up in front of a packed house during our church service, he knew he had to do it. It was amazing, and he had so many people come to him with their own stories because of it.

​Moral of the story is…

I no longer question his faith.

My own faith has grown a thousand times stronger since living through all of this, and especially while following my authentic journey. People have questioned my sanity. How could I possibly leave a steady job with a decent income as a teacher to follow some crazy dream of being a writer?

I have a great daily devotional book called A Little Me Time with God, and a recent prayer I read really hit home:

Good God, I trust you to guide me into your goodness, even though I don’t know how things will turn out. Settle my heart with your peace and help me to take each step you reveal to me.  

I personally believe following your authentic voice is probably going to mean that you lessen your grip on control and allow your faith in God to grow, as you learn to trust that He knows how to get you to the point in life where you’re supposed to be. 

My Personal Guarantee

I’ve been wrestling with the idea that this blog is supposed to be about helping people find their authentic calling, and yet you may think I’m continually throwing random ideas at you. They’re all connected, I promise.

The blog starts with entries about being authentic. But interspersed throughout is seemingly unconnected material. In my mind, it makes perfect sense, but looking at the various entries from an outsider’s eyes, it also looks a bit off the wall.

​An explanation

For me, the Triple A - or Ascending Aortic Aneurysm - that my husband lived through was the biggest factor in changing the way I live my life. Realistically, he shouldn’t be here today. That was enough for me to reevaluate my goals, values, and faith. To read more about that, you should check out the You Never Know entry.  

Right upon the heels of that, we had Covid. You can believe whatever you want about it, but all of our lives changed drastically because of it. I’d never taught class using Zoom before that or tried to conduct a lesson while wearing a mask. For the record, I hope to never have to do that again.

But it all changed me. It all made me reevaluate how I want to spend my days and where my focus should be, just in case my time here is limited.

Steve Jobs said something in a Stanford commencement speech I used to show my students that I can’t forget. He said, “You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backward. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future.”

I see the connections with all that I’ve done in my life that have led up to this moment in time. I trust that I’m right where I’m supposed to be.

Along with following my authentic path is the idea that I didn’t just teach high school kids for 17 years for no reason. They were teaching me too, and crying out for help.

In the conversations I had with kids about where they felt called to go in life, there were so many who had absolutely no inkling.

But if you think about it, everything you do on your phone takes all your focus. Ask most teens to pull up their phone usage stats, and you’ll be amazed that they have time to even brush their teeth. They’re on their phones so much that their authentic voices have been pushed aside and silenced. These kids are our future.

I was listening to Channel 1 on Sirius/XM one afternoon this week, and I heard the DJ telling a story about his daughter, who is a senior in high school. He started out by saying that this year in her school, they are locking up all cell phones from the moment they get to school, until the last bell rings, “they’re literally cut off from the rest of the world,” he said.

“So she bought a burner phone. In the morning, when she enters the school building, she places the burner phone in the bag that gets locked up, and keeps her actual phone with her.”

At this point, I’m ticked off with this man. For me, eight hours away from my phone sounds like heaven. What a gift they are giving these kids to be able to retrain their brains so they can learn to focus again. But he’s not done.

He goes on, “So she and I have this deal. When she gets caught, as we all know she will, and the school calls me to tell me that they’ve caught her with this burner phone, I’m supposed to act completely shocked and offended. I’m going to assure them that she’ll be punished for this atrocity.” And he laughs.

​Yep, I’m going there…

Now I’m furious. This is why teachers can’t get anywhere with their students. Parents like this are what’s wrong with education today.

I’d love to call him and mention a few of the statistics from Jonathan Haidt’s book The Anxious Generation. I’d tell him that the ‘Great Rewiring’ of children’s brains began to be noticeable between 2010 and 2015. During this time, the increase in major depressive episodes increased nearly 150%. It affected all races and social classes.

This was BEFORE Covid.

Haidt and another man asked teens a series of questions during these years, about mental health. Many of those kids answered yes to questions such as have you experienced a long period of feeling sad, empty, or depressed, or a long period in which you lost interest and became bored with most of the things you used to enjoy?

Boredom is GOOD for you. That’s when your brain comes up with all kinds of ideas that perhaps you should pursue and create a crazy, amazing life for yourself. That’s why the entries I add to this blog make sense to me, and I hope to you, too, my faithful readers. I promise, authenticity is at the core of every single entry.