Self Reflection Can be Rough

Think back to when you were young and had all the answers. Remember that? 

Recently, I was completely humbled by a situation I was certain I knew inside and out. Ages ago, I had a boyfriend who would hang out with this girl when I wasn’t around. 

The girl was beautiful. But because I knew she’d been hanging out with my boyfriend, I wasn’t her biggest fan. Actually, I know I called her some very ugly names when talking to my friends about her. I never took the time to get to know her because I knew she’d be awful. 

Another chance

After not seeing her for many years, I recently glanced around the room of the restaurant I was in, and there she was, talking to one of my friends. I decided that it had probably been long enough. I wanted to see what she was actually like, so I went over to say hello. 

My friend introduced the two of us, and I told her I remembered her. She smiled warmly at me and said I hadn’t changed at all. That wasn’t so awful. 

My friend was asking her where her husband was, and she smiled, but looked a bit sad. She went on to explain that he’d had a stroke and one side of his body was completely paralyzed. Their entire married life, she had been the introvert and he’d always been the extrovert, and their roles were immediately reversed the day of his stroke as they were in the emergency room. 

She talked about how she had to be the one stepping up and asking questions and finding answers as she nursed him back to health. 

My friend and I expressed our sympathy, and she asked if he was doing better. The woman explained that she thinks he’s made leaps and bounds in terms of recovery, and she can see the old him struggling to be who he used to be. But he’s different now and doesn’t come out of the house much. 

She is still a beautiful woman, but now there’s also an air of sadness that I’d never seen before. 

As my husband and I went home that night, I felt terrible. I told him what had happened and the history between us that caused me to think she was a bad person. She wasn’t, and I was wrong about her. If we had lived in the same area, we might even have become close friends. I was extremely humbled. 

Do you give second chances?

I think one of the reasons I was so affected by this was because of the way I approached kids when I was teaching. I thought of teaching as a solitary profession. Yes, there are meetings that everyone attends, but the day-to-day instruction teachers are doing in their classrooms is generally just led by the one adult.

However, anytime there was a child coming to my room for the first time who’d had behavior issues with someone else, that teacher would want to tell me all about it. I ran from these conversations. That child and I were getting the chance to start a brand new relationship, and I didn’t want any baggage coloring the way I treated him or her. I knew that kids grow and change, and I wanted to give the teen the opportunity to show me who they were going to be in my class. 

But, maybe it was because I was certain I knew what kind of lady she was, as my brilliant teenage self, that I hadn’t bothered to offer the same chance to her. 

I’m not telling you anything new. We see this every single day. We make snap judgments or believe whatever the rumor is that’s going around, or base our opinions on one single act we may have witnessed and misinterpreted. 

When you’re living the life you’re meant to live and being as authentic as possible, I think it’s okay to admit you’ve made a mistake. It’s okay to be real and open and honest and not only give others the chance to prove themselves, but to give yourself some grace as well.