The Best Bosses are Real People

I read a daily passage in a book called Simple Abundance. I’m pretty sure the first edition of this book was the reason I wanted to live a more authentic life. The author, Sarah Ban Breathnach, writes about living authentically throughout, and really made me want to become more true to myself. 

Today’s entry includes a quote from a French-American novelist, poet, and diarist, Anais Nin (1903 - 1977). It says, “And the day came when the risk [it took] to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”

Right in the Heart!

Holy smokes, does that ever bring back memories for me! It also ties in nicely with a topic that’s been heavy on my heart for a week or two now. That topic is managerial styles. Hear me out, I promise the quote and the way you manage other people tie in with each other. 

I’m guessing I’ve worked for twenty different bosses. Of the twenty, there were only three that were absolutely awful to work for. One of them told me that if I wore shorter skirts, I’d do better at my job. Enough said about this guy. No, my job wasn’t what you’re thinking. 

Another had been a great friend, or so I thought, until they gained some power, and then l apparently became a minion they had no use for anymore. The third one was a micromanager in the worst way but constantly denied that they were. 

These two left huge impressions on me. They reminded me of what I never wanted to become. It seemed to me that neither was very happy with their own life and felt a need to make others around them miserable too. I can’t imagine that it helped them feel better about their own lives, but clearly, we are very different people; who am I to even guess at what makes them happy? 

One of the things I know now meant they weren’t confident about their leadership skills was the one-size-fits-all punishment. For example, if one person was on their phone during a meeting, the entire place got a notice that phones were no longer allowed in meetings. They weren’t brave enough to just go to the one person doing the offending activity and ask them to stop, everyone had to suffer. 

The years I worked for them were the hardest of my life. I cried a lot. I felt powerless because they were the boss. I had debts and I needed my job. I loved my job but avoided all interaction with them. I was about to break when thankfully, a better opportunity came my way. 

Working for people like this made me feel like I would never blossom in that role because there was no support or encouragement for me to grow. 

Time to Look in the Mirror

I know it’s hard to look objectively at ourselves. But if you’re in charge of others, ask yourself these questions: do my employees seem happy? Am I able to look my employees in the eye when telling them what I’d like for them to accomplish that day? Do my employees ever seek me out to share a funny story or happy moment? Do my employees and I ever share a laugh? If the answer is no, then you need to take a long look at yourself. 

What I’ve found as I’ve gotten smarter about people and the way they manage others, is that the looser the hold, the better the relationship. I found the same thing with my high school students. When I began teaching, my rules were long and normally took an entire period to go over. As I gained more experience about working with teens, my rules whittled down to one: I’m going to treat you the way you treat me. 

This was the only rule I had needed all along, it just took me a while to figure it out. If I showed the kids respect, they respected me in return. If I gave them a bunch of silly rules and tried to control every single little activity and conversation, they ran right over the top of me. 

Giving people freedom and treating them as equals, in my experience, results in amazing relationships. The people who were my most respected bosses did the same. It was because I received respect and freedom from them that I wanted to do the best job I could. 

In the end, I needed to move on to feel like I was truly ‘blossoming’ into the life I was meant to live. The sad part is that the people today who are still trying to manage people by squashing them under their thumbs probably won’t read this. They probably won’t change. But maybe it will convince you that there are better opportunities out there. Perhaps it’s time you started looking.