Newlyweds Galore
*If you’d rather watch or listen (and I highly suggest you watch this one), click here.
Our fridge is currently covered with Save the Date cards. We have couples all around us who are getting married in the near future, including one of our own children and our niece. It’s exciting, and I feel honored to be a witness to the beginning of their married life.
This week, for the first time ever, I have a co-author on my Beguin Bits Blog, who shares the same last name - Kirk “Puppy” Beguin!
Knowing all these weddings are coming up made me think about our own relationship. Together, we’ve been married a total of five times! You might think that means we are the LAST people who should give relationship advice, except that we’re approaching our 20th wedding anniversary and we still really like being together.
This week’s blog is special, as it’s a time of year when we should be counting our blessings. Together, we’re going to discuss what we believe keeps a relationship happy, even after many years, drawing on our own personal experiences.
Here we go!
He says: For instance, have a similar hobby, but it’s okay to have separate interests as long as they’re not detrimental to the relationship, like one of you going to the bar each night. I like betting on football games, while she likes reading, but we both really like going to NFL games.
She says: It’s important to be respectful of your partner, even when you’re beyond angry. We have times when we tell the other one, “I can’t talk to you right now because I’m too mad. I need some time to think about it, and we can talk later.” It saves us from saying something we might regret.
He says: You should enjoy doing things together like traveling, going out with friends, or maybe having a drink somewhere together. You should enjoy spending time together, rather than going off on your own or with friends all the time, which could cause the other person to get upset.
She says: It’s easy to get irritated when you feel like you’re the only one doing a certain chore. There are times when one or the other of us will say to the other, as nicely as we can, “Are you ever going to do the dishes again, or has that become just my responsibility?” It makes more sense to think of it as doing that chore so that your partner doesn’t have to, especially when you know they don’t like it much.
He says: Do something fun together and do it often. We both love the game of golf. We love playing it together, both as a team against others, and even competing against each other when it’s just the two of us. So if you like to golf, find a woman who likes to golf because you get to do it a lot more when she’s coming along with you, rather than fighting it.
She says: Appreciate your partner as a person with their own distinct tastes and values, no matter how familiar with them you think you are, even after years and years. We’ve been married a long time, but we’re still surprised by each other. The fact that he is thinking about going into construction work as a carpenter, after all the remodeling we’ve done on our own house, amazes me. I recently surprised him by announcing I like Brussels sprouts. Surprise keeps things interesting.
The end goal
At the end of the day, the biggest, most important thing is that you feel like it’s the two of you against the world and not one against the other. As long as you’re both on the same team and open to new experiences together, like we’re doing now, it becomes a situation where you both win.
You don't want to feel like your partner isn't the best choice for you; you want to be able to look over at them, smile, and be grateful every single day that this is the person you get to spend your life with.